Recently I heard someone explain the pain after losing a child like a contraction during labour. You know it's going to come and it hits you of out nowhere. You can't stop it from coming. You can only hope that it is over quickly. That the pain will subside. That you will have someone beside you to hold your hand and tell you it's going to be OK. That you will have time to prepare for the next contraction to hit. The rise and fall of emotions. The intensity of the pain to lessen. You can't do anything to stop the pain. You can only learn ways to manage it and learn to live with it.
I feel like Im right in the middle of one. It has come from nowhere. I cant function. I dont want to do anything. I just want to be. Be still. I just want to let the world go by and sit and dream of a time when she kicked in my belly when her big brother would wrap his little arms around me. The moments I held her close after she was born. When I kissed her nose. When I whispered in her ear.
I just miss her. I really miss her.
Ive learned to realize that this is grief. This isnt depression. Im not depressed. Im just a mum who misses her child and is grieving. This is grief.
We released our very special lip balms today that will be added to each of our Gift Of Hope Support Packs. It is something sacred to my memories and time with Yasminah.