There is a beautiful quote in Yasminah's scrapbook that sums up exactly how I am feeling at the moment.
Time is too slow for those who wait,
too swift for those who fear,
too long for those who grieve,
too short for those who rejoice,
but for those who love,
time is eternity
Henry Van Dyke
Last night, well actually 3am this morning I finally collapsed into my bed. Exhausted from the days events of cleaning, washing, visitors, cooking, tears, tantrums, baths and bedtime stories. Followed by my nightly ritual of a cup of tea, TV, catching up on emails and completing another custom made journal, I had time to reflect. I always like to reflect on the day that was and as I glanced at my phone I noticed the date.
25th February 2011
Where had time gone? It hit me like a ten tone truck ramming into my chest that Yasminah's birthday was only 1 day and 1 month away. The tears flowed. How could this be? How has it been that long since I held my baby girl in my arms and gently kissed her little button nose. Had I been so caught up in my life that I didn't realize how close we were to her 2nd birthday.
It seems crazy that I didn't know it was that close. I have been organising her birthday celebration for months. A beautiful butterfly release in a peaceful parkland. Close to nature with a place for her brother and sisters to play and her family and friends to gather and remember. Also a chance to meet those that the charity set up in her honour and memory has helped during this journey of loss. People who have helped me through my grief and over time become friends who are like family.
I want to celebrate her life, instead of mourning her loss. Yasminah was and is still a huge part of our life. She is my first daughter, my precious little angel, who I will love for eternity.
It is amazing that someone so small who never drew breath can have such a profound impact on your life and how you spend your time!