Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mothers Day

Mothers Day will never be the same for me after the loss of my daughter.

It was always a very special day from the moment I was pregnant with my first child Zach. I celebrated Mothers Day and every hope and dream it brought along with it. Cuddles and kisses and breakfast in bed, special paintings and handmade crafts - all of these wonderful moments to look forward to. After years of TTC I was 7 months pregnant on my first Mothers Day and finally a mum.

Most people believe that "The moment a child is born, the mother is also
born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never."

I like a lot of first time mums was told like this quote that I wasn't a mother until my baby was born. But I knew and felt in my heart I was. From the moment those two pink lines show up on that little stick you are a mum! You nuture, care, provide and love your child. Everything that a 'real' mother does. You should be able to celebrate and enjoy the precious child/ren you have growing inside you and the gift of motherhood. You are a mum!

My second Mothers Day was wonderful because my son was old enough to call me mum and I remember him bringing me breakfast in bed, a beautiful card with the outline of his handprint on the back and being smothered in cuddles and kisses. This was to be my last Mothers Day where I wouldnt a shed a river of tears.

My next Mothers Day I was mourning the loss of my daughter.

Mothers Day was only 6 weeks after Yasminah was born. It was incredibly hard and full of emotions and a day I will never forget. I spent part of the day with three generations of mums, my mum, my sister and both of my grandmothers. Most of the time in tears. I then visited Yasminah at the cemetary.

We spent the evening with close friends and their family. I didn't feel like celebrating and I remember having to run out of the room because I didnt want to cry in front of them. This day had just taken on a whole new meaning and become so incredibly hard and painful.

Mothers Day is a day when all mothers should have their children with them. But all over the globe mums miss their children and children miss their mums.

And I miss my daughter.......

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