Today I read on another website Mamamia about a lady whose friend lost her second child. I couldn't and refuse to remain silent on these matters, below is my reply to the original post you can find here
Kate firstly I'm so sorry for your own loss and terribly sorry for the loss of your friend Bec's precious second child Georgie.
I have personally been down the same road, when my second child Yasminah was stillborn at 37 weeks and 4 days just days before she was meant to be safely delivered. My world shattered into a million pieces and has and will never be the same. My son was 20 months at the time so similar age to your friends first child. It is so hard because you still need to be there for them but you are so consumed in your grief and the loss of your child. Having another child sometimes compounds that grief, because you know everything that you are missing out on. The common questions came How could this happen? Why us? Why didn't anyone tell us this could happen? and a few weeks afterwards What can I do to stop this from happening to others and how can I help raise awareness?
It is so terribly hard for anyone unless they have personally been throught this kind of loss to truly understand how we feel. My own family and friends struggled with processing what had happened. I wanted to tell everyone who would listen about my daughter so that she was never forgotten. But no body wanted to bring her up - they didn't want to upset me, but by them not mentioning her at all actually made it harder for me like they didn't care. Yasminah was a part of our lives, she was our first daughter, a little sister, a cousin, a neice, a grand-daughter and now forever an angel. I needed a way to remember her and to make sure that everyone else remembered her too.
You mentioned that your friend is a writer. I'm not a professional writer but I have found it to be 'my' therapy. I found and still do to this day hard to 'talk' about her. How do you bring up the topic of your daughter who has passed away when there are no photos to show, there are no memories for the friends and family in your life, only you have these memories. So I began to write. I would write in a private diary and online forums. Then suddenly we fell pregnant again very soon after the loss of our daughter with twins! A true gift from God. It was a traumatic pregnancy, I always worried about movement and especially because there were two to keep tabs of. I kept another diary. Then at 28 weeks we discovered that our twins at twin to twin transfusion syndrome TTTS. Where one twin was taking all the nutrients from the other twin and they started to grow differently. We were closely monitored as we had been throughout the whole pregnancy but now every day counted. We needed to get them as close to full term as possible. I couldn't cope if I had to lose another child let alone my twins. At 31 weeks and 5 days our twins were born by emergency ceasarian just over 8 weeks premature. I was so relieved they were born alive, but now we needed them to survive life. They spent 4 weeks in a neonatal intensive care unit before both coming home on my birthday.
During all these times and other traumatic events in my life I have kept a diary. I still wanted to help others, and raise awareness and support for stillbirth. So in July this year I founded a registered charity set up in honour of my daughter Yasminah Ann - Yasminah's Gift Of Hope http://www.ygoh.org.au - Our website is growing everyday and I hope that it will become a place of support and information for families and the community. We also have a facebook page with over 1000 people supporting us http://www.facebook.com/yasminahsgiftofhope
Yasminah's Gift Of Hope is a volunteer support network for parents and families who experience the miscarriage, premature birth, neonatal death or stillbirth of their baby.
Yasminah's Gift Of Hope aims to provide emotional support and relevant aids to families, health care professionals and to the public through our hospitals, the community and our website. We hope to also provide ongoing support to families, create awareness and educate the community about cause and prevention of miscarriage, premature birth, neonatal death, stillbirth & congenital abnormalities.
We provide families with the aid of a writing journal immediately following the stillbirth, neonatal death or premature birth of their baby. Yasminah's 'Gift Of Hope' journals contain a comprehensive list of relevant support services to initiate early support for families. These journals are provided throughout Australian public and private hospitals or by request through our website from families with a child currently in Neonatal Intensive Care, or sadly just dealing with the grief of loosing their child
I would love to provide you and your friend Bec with a gift of hope, one of our very special hand decorated journals. I can custom make one with Georgia's details on it. There are many things you can write about in the journal. It can simply be used to keep special keepsakes like ultrasound photos, pregnancy shots, cot card, arms bands and sympathy cards. Or you can write about your thoughts, feelings and emotions. Other things I can suggest is writing a letter to Georgia, getting family and friends to write in the journal too. So please feel welcome to email me at email@example.com
My deepest sympathy to you all. Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Around the world at 7pm we ask everyone to light a candle to remember them. Please light a candle for Yasminah and Georgia. If everyone lights a candle from 7pm-8pm there will be a continueous wave of light around the world.
Wishing you Hope, Light, Love and Happiness
Find Hope to keep you strong,
Find Light to lead the way,
Find Love all around you,
And Happiness one day.........
With Love Bec x x x x x x