I have been thinking about doing this for sometime. It is still very hard for me to this day. It has only been 18 months since her passing. Yes I have since been blessed with two very healthy baby girls, but I have four children and Yasminah will always be a part of our lives.
My closest friends and family know the truth, the events leading up to her birth. But I haven't shared all the details until now......
I feel it is important to speak out on National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. It is a day to remember all the little lives lost.
I have been stuggling the last few days with my grief. Grief is such a strange thing, it can sneak up on just when you think you have it under control. You learn to live a new 'normal', but things will never be the same again, you will look at life with different eyes. You appreciate the simple things more and realize how easily things can change.
When you find out you are pregnant you dream of a future with your child. Will you have a boy or a girl? What will they look like? How should we decorate the room? What will they grow up to do? You buy all the usual baby items like a pram, a cot, change table and clothes. Cute little baby clothes, that you anxiously wash and fold and sort numerous times before the birth. But what happens when all those dreams are shattered and you are left to come home from hospital with empty arms, to a house filled with reminders about what should of been. This is what I faced and what countless women around the world face everyday. There is probably a woman going through labour right now and instead of hearing her newborn baby cry, there will be silence.
There will still be flowers and cards but in sympathy, no congratulations. There won't be a steady stream of visitors wanting to look at the adoring new baby, because they are too scared or don't know what to say. Instead you will receive text messages and emails or snail mail with I'm sorry for your loss, our deepest sympathies or simply with love. Funeral arrangements will need to be made, deciding what coffin, where to bury your child and what to wear to your child's funeral.
It happens and we can no longer remain silent about pregnancy and infant loss. We need to remember them and raise awareness so that we can have an impact on the community and we can reduce the numbers. It can no longer be a taboo topic, something needs to be done. So today I'm speaking out.