Leave of Absence

This is a special announcement and not one that I ever thought I would be making. I write this with mixed feelings and have shed quite a few tears as it is with regret to inform you all of my decision to take 12 months personal leave of absence from my position on the Board of Yasminah’s Gift Of Hope as President, with immediate effect. It has been a very difficult decision to make but after much consideration and the support of my family, I believe it is for the best interests of Yasminah’s Gift Of Hope, myself and my family. I anticipate returning to the position of President 1st December 2014.

I wish to clarify the reasons for my sudden decision to step back from the Board. There are many but I feel that my immediate and continued contribution over the next 12 months to the Board is extremely limited. I have poured my heart and soul into creating Yasminah’s Gift of Hope in memory of the stillbirth of my beautiful daughter Yasminah and in honour of our twin daughters Aisha and Aaliyah’s premature birth. I wanted to help other parents and families know that they weren't alone on this journey and that there was support and understanding available from someone who has experienced it. The creation of 'Yasminah's Gift Of Hope' being firstly the hand designed journals, then the Premmie Gift Of Hope journal, was one that was designed to not only give parents hope, but also an outlet to heal and a special keepsake and place to record their journey. I started YGOH when Aisha and Aaliyah were only a few months old and I’ve never really allowed myself time to grieve privately and fully acknowledge my own journey. YGOH has been an immense and important part of my healing and growth, but in many ways also shifted my focus and grief. I believe it was in a positive way and one that at the time felt right, helping others who have experienced the same or similar journeys of bereavement and premature birth. I also feel that I have missed out on so much of my little girls first precious years and I don’t wish for that to happen with our precious little rainbow baby we are expecting next year. Family must always come first. At this point in time it is important for me to focus on my physical and mental health, my pregnancy, the impending arrival of my rainbow baby and my beautiful, precious family.

I have formed some very special friendships with you all over the past 4 years and together we have shared a lot of highs and lows. I greatly appreciate and thank you all for your love, kindness and support during what has been a very difficult time in my life. I truly value your friendships and the memories I have made will always be held close to my heart. I will never forget you and what you have each contributed to YGOH. One thing we have always prided ourselves upon is our connection to the community and working together with like-minded organisations and people - thank you for believing in YGOH, your support and contributions. I wish to especially thank my dear friends who have donated their time, skills and professional services via their businesses to supporting YGOH over the years. You have helped us grow from my humble dining room table 4 years ago to supporting thousands of families across Australia. YGOH was born from the loss of my little girl Yasminah Ann who has touched the hearts and lives of many and from the kindness and support of our family and friends and complete strangers whose support has been unwavering!

I will greatly miss the daily interaction with the volunteers and being involved in the future direction of the organisation during the next 12 months. This is the right decision for me at this moment and for my future. I will be back so this isn’t really goodbye just - see you soon!

Please continue in your amazing efforts of raising awareness, funds and supporting YGOH via contributing to journal designing, knitting and sewing. Please keep contributing to our Facebook support groups in order for us to continue the vital support we provide to premmie and bereaved families across Australia.

I do hope that you will all keep in touch. I hold many of you and your babies close to my heart and I will be forever grateful for the beautiful friendships I have made along the way. Thank you for sharing your own journeys and opening your hearts to mine. I look forward to sharing the exciting new journey that lies ahead and the arrival of our rainbow baby next year. My phone number remains the same 0409977999 but I can no longer be reached at rebecca@ygoh.org.au Please refer any YGOH related emails to contact@ygoh.org.au

Thanking you all from the bottom of my heart. Sending you all Hope, Light, Love and Happiness

Bec xx

Post by Yasminah's Gift Of Hope.

This is your song

There is an African tribe, where it is believed that the moment a woman thinks about having a child, her child is born. This becomes the child's birth date. When the woman decides that she will have a child, she goes and sits alone beside a tree. She carefully listens for the 'song' of the child that wants to come. After she has heard the song of this child, she goes back to the man that will be the child's father and she teaches him, his child's song. When they make physical love to conceive their child, some of that time they sing the song of the child, to bring it to life.

When the woman is pregnant, she teaches her child's song to the midwives and the old women of the village. When the child is born the midwives and old women of the village welcome the child into the world singing the child's song. As the child grows, the rest of the village are taught the child's song. The belief is if the child is injured or hurt, the other villagers sing the child's song to comfort them. The child's song is also sung during important milestones as a way of honouring their achievements.


If I had to choose my song, it would have to be 'I was here' by Beyoncé.

We may not all be able to sing like Beyoncé, or have grown up in an African tribe that sings your song to you at crucial life transitions, but life is always reminding you when you are in tune with yourself and when you are not.

When my husband and I first started dating, there was one song that just expressed how we felt about each other and what we both hoped and dreamed, that one day we would have a child together. Without even realizing it, our child was born. Therefor our first born child's song would have to be 'Tamika' by Immature.

"You mean the world to me, Tamika. You are my everything, Tamika".

We never knew exactly how long it would take to have our first child, or that our first born would be a boy. After 6 years we were completely over the moon to be parents! We never thought that we would fall pregnant for a second time so easily. Yasminah was a miracle from the very beginning. Despite a complicated pregnancy, she was our little angel and never would will realize just how true those words would be. After Yasminah passed away and even on the day of her funeral, Beyoncé's song 'Halo' played everywhere we went. I can still remember the warmth of the sun on my face, as tears streamed down my cheek after laying my daughter to rest. It quite quickly become 'her' song.

"Remember those walls I built, well baby they're tumbling down. They didn't even put up a fight. They didn't even make a sound. I found a way to let you in, but I never really had a doubt. Standing in the light of your halo, I've got my angel now. It's like I've been awakened, ever rule I had you breaking. It's the risk that I'm taking....... Everywhere I'm looking now I'm surrounded by your embrace. Baby I can see your halo. You know your my saving grace."

No song could more profoundly be appropriate for our twin daughters Aisha and Aaliyah than Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwoʻole's 'Somewhere over the rainbow'.

"Dreams really do come true"

I hope you can find your song. Sing your song. Sing like no one is listening!

I am still standing

Putting my thoughts and feelings into written words, hasn't come easy lately.

I sit here in the quiet still of the midnight air, feeling my chest rise and fall, hearing my breath inhale and exhale with each passing moment. There is no sound, apart from the click of each key I press on my laptop. Writing the words as my fingers connect to the keyboard, pouring the words from my soul. I close my eyes and be still with this moment. Thankful to just be. Thankful for every breath I have taken. Still with each moment and memory past. Thankful for the love and joy in my life. Thankful.

Just over four years ago I gave birth for the second time. I became a mum again. This makes me smile. I inhaled and exhaled with a purpose to deliver my second child, my first little girl physically into this world. I was guided and supported by my husband and my midwives through the birth of my daughter. The passage of birth, a new precious life that was over before it had begun. With one final force of air through my lungs and pushing with all my strength, my eyes closed for fear of losing my strength, forgetting this memory, my daughter was born into this world, never to take a single breath.

In that single moment of time. She took my breath away.

Birth is supposed to be this big beautiful moment of pure happiness, joy, and hope. It still was all these things and more. The elation of meeting our beautiful little girl that had been wriggling around, gently tugging at my heartstrings for 9 months was overwhelming. I felt happiness and nothing but pure love for my daughter. I still feel this way. I will always feel this way. I don't think of her with sadness. How can I be sad about someone so beautiful? I think of Yasminah with love and peace in my heart. I can close my eyes and pull myself back into that moment in time, where everything stood still. My daughter Yasminah may have been born still, but it is because of her that I am still standing.

I am still standing.

Today is International Bereaved Mothers Day. I send my love, support and hope to mums everywhere. To the mums who yearn to hold their babies in their arms, I want you to know that this will get easier. You will still be standing as time passes. Sending you all hope, light, love and happiness <3 class="goog-spellcheck-word" span="" style="background: yellow;">Bec

I can't bare to part with......

There is a small collection of tiny, beautiful, precious items that I can't bare to part with. They were intended for our first daughter Yasminah.

We couldn't wait to find out if we were having a little boy or a little girl, even though deep down in my soul I knew that it was a girl! After having a boy, it was going to be nice to buy 'pink' but we were told that there was something wrong with our baby, before being asked if we still wanted to know what we were having. Of course we did! We loved this child from the moment we knew a new life had been gifted to us. No one ever truly knows how long their stay here on earth is for, and even despite all that we were told we left the decision in God's hands.

Time has passed. Things have changed. We have been blessed with 2 beautiful, strong and healthy little girls.

In the early days of my grief, I was so angry. So angry that she would never get to wear the clothes that I picked out, washed, hung to dry and gently folded before placing in her nursery. I wanted to get rid of everything. I wanted the nappies gone, the cradle gone, the clothes gone. Why would I need to keep them when the one reason all of those items existed was also......gone. My daughter wasn't here to hold in my arms, or to rock to sleep. She wasn't here to use the rocking chair at 2am feeds. She wasn't here to change her nappy, we would never get to change her nappy. These are the things you think about. I became angry at the world because my daughter was gone, my hopes and dreams vanished. Sure we knew it was going to be hard. It was going to be really hard! But she was our daughter and maternal instinct takes over.

A very good friend sat me down and said that I shouldn't be so eager to give her things away. There was no rush. There was plenty of time to decide if I wanted to keep them. Perhaps we would have another baby. It made sense. We had kept plenty of our son's clothing and other baby items in the hopes that a sibling would one day use them. Why should this be any different?

I changed my mind and I kept them.


I kept the special outfit I purchased as her 'coming home' outfit. A cute little Mummy and Daddy Love Me set! It was perfect.

I kept the little piglet snuggly blanket that a very kind friend had bought for her.

I kept the cute pink and white 'Little Sister' socks we bought as a gift from her big brother.

I kept the beautiful soft, white, fur vest that was going to keep her warm during a cold winter. It was a gift from my nan. A gift she thought her great, granddaughter would wear.

I kept them all and I can't bare to part with them.......and that's ok.

The difference

When we found out that our daughter had limb differences, I searched for other families, other children that had similar differences. I wanted to connect with these families, find out how they had felt during their pregnancy, handled the arrival of their child, other people's reactions, things that had helped them and what had been supportive on their journey.

The hospital were fantastic and referred us to a genetic specialist, who then arranged for us to see a genetic counsellor. Our counsellor was lovely, very understanding and supportive of our decision to continue our pregnancy. The hospital arranged for us to meet with Limb Specialists at the Children's Hospital during the pregnancy. We met with Professors and Surgeons and were handed prosthetics that our daughter might one day want or need to use. We discussed adapting her clothing to suit her difference. Carefully selecting clothes that we could easily alter the sleeves. Dresses instead of pants to accommodate the cast that would be placed on her little foot when she was born to correct her club foot. We wondered how she would eat, use a fork or spoon, hold a cup to drink. Would she be able to ride a bike? How would we explain her differences to our family, her brother, our friends? Would she still be able to attend mainstream schooling? It was completely overwhelming, but we wanted to prepare ourselves and understand what options and support were available and give our baby girl the best possible start in life.

One thing we wanted was to meet other families. Our counsellor mentioned one group the name of which I don't recall, but they had no support groups in our area. There was no website or forum that supported families who were expecting a child with a congenital abnormality, especially a limb difference. I was lucky that I met a lady by pure chance after a Facebook search, whose daughter also had limb differences and she lived locally. She was starting an organisation called CHILD - Children Having Infant Limb Differences to help families like us that were faced with a 'different' outcome than a normal pregnancy. I felt relieved, connected and so grateful. We exchanged emails and then messages via Facebook. We both embraced our daughters difference's and were sure that our daughter's would become life long friends. As Yasminah grew in my womb, my friendship with Katherine grew. I shared her passion of wanting to help provide a supportive place for new families who were diagnosed with a congenital limb difference during pregnancy or after birth. From our personal experiences we envisioned supporting and guiding families through friendship and educating the community about limb deficiency. Katherine was also working on her book and I was honoured to be asked to contribute Yasminah's story.


Whilst it was mentioned during my pregnancy that the Dr's weren't sure 'what the outcome would be for our baby' no one ever mentioned that our baby could die in utero. We were preparing for a life. For her life. The exciting, wonderful life of our second child, our first little girl. It wasn't the dream we envisioned, but the difference to the eventual reality was unfathomable. We dreamed of a life.

I will never forget receiving a message from Katherine asking if Yasminah had arrived yet. Katherine kindly offered me her little girls clothes that she had outgrown. Heartbroken I had to tell Katherine that Yasminah had passed away unexpectedly in utero a few days before.

Katherine still wrote and published her book called 'Our Little Miracles' and she very kindly dedicated the book to Yasminah. I was too distraught to contribute her story, but I'm so very grateful that Katherine still included Yasminah as one of 'our little miracles'. Yasminah is our little miracle. Her story needs to be told. There are approximately 1 in 10,000 children across Australia each year born with a limb deficiency. Sadly sometimes families like mine, don't get to take their little miracle home. There is now a variety of support groups for families that experience limb deficiency. CHILD provide support to parents when they find out about their newborns limb differences. The deficiency can be diagnosed through ultrasound or after birth of the child. Also if the limb loss was acquired through surgical amputation. Through their extensive network of members from throughout the world, the parents never fall short of someone to talk to. This is a beautiful thing! What a difference time can make.

I was honoured to make some very special friends along the way. My CHILD friends are still an important part of my life. I'm honoured that they still involve me in their community and feel blessed to see a small glimpse into their world. I often wonder what our lives would be like if Yasminah was here. If she had of had a chance to the live the life that we dreamed of her having. The child we had, but never had and yet will have forever!

For Yasminah

I can't always do it all. I think that I do my very best and always try to do my best to juggle everything that life has to offer me. My dad always taught me to do my best. It didn't matter if I failed, or I made a mistake, as long as I had tried my best that was all that mattered. It isn't always easy, it isn't always magical, amongst the joy and laughter there are tears and sadness too, but I always push on trying to make the best of this life that I have been blessed to be given. Living each day with joy and gratitude. I give back in memory of my daughter, in the hope that it helps ease the pain of another family and that a little piece of Yasminah is remembered and her spirit lives on. Each breath I take, I take knowing my little girl didn't take one. Not one single breath. However she did her very best to stay with us. She did her best. Yasminah has taught me more in her lifetime than I would of ever learned in mine without losing her. I continue to do my best and try to make a difference when I can. I don't always get it right, but I always try.......

The tears have fallen tonight, they haven't stopped. I felt this wave of grief coming after visiting Yasminah yesterday. I just wish I never had to feel like this :( I wish I could tell you all that everything will be OK, but sometimes I don't even believe that myself. Dealing with grief, loss, sadness day in day out takes it toll and I need to often cleanse my own soul, and release the tears to keep doing my very best.

Then tonight I received a message and I wanted to share something a very dear friend is doing for Yasminah. She is doing her best. My friend has remembered Yasminah and has chosen to honour her life, by giving back to the community and an organisation called Heartkids. She is doing something in Yasminah's memory, for Yasminah that makes my heart sing, my eyes overflow with tears and made me more of a blubbering mess than I already was tonight!

Em helped me start Yasminah's Gift Of Hope. She was there for me during my loss, during my rainbow pregnancy, through the weeks that my girls spent in NICU and is still there for me today. She was going through and is still going through her own journey. She is still trying to do her very best despite all the difficulty life as thrown at her. Amongst all of her own struggles she is doing this for Yasminah. How seriously lucky am I to have such beautiful, supportive people in my life! A friend who isn't scared to say her name or talk about her and helps share her story. She is still there for me almost 4 years on. Words can't ever truly explain the gift of having someone you can share your innermost thoughts with or just cry and they don't question any of it. They don't judge you, they are simply there for you, offering a shoulder to lean on, a tissue for when you cry. This is Em. She is a beautiful, young, inspiring young woman and a wonderful role model for her daughter Kenzie. I'm so lucky to call her my friend :)

This is what Em wrote on her fundraising page tonight......

Over the last 4 years I have had the absolute honour to call the Aziz family my friends. I remember the first time I met Rebecca was when Kenzie had just been born and she travelled out to see me whilst glowingly pregnant with her beautiful twins Aisha and Aaliyah. We spoke of our losses, our joys and our daily struggles. Sitting in front of me was a woman of warmth, grace and above all courage. A woman who had farewelled her beautiful angel daughter Yasminah only months before and was already finding ways to help others.

So in the last week I decided upon reflection about congenital heart anomalies..Kenzie and I are not just doing this run for the fun of it. We are not just doing this run to take photos. We are not doing it for ourselves.

We are running "For Yasminah".  

Whether we raise $2.00 or $2,000000 to contribute to research into childhood heart conditions we do not care. All that matters now is that we will do it for her. We cannot bring her back, nor brighten the sadness at her loss...but we can run, skip, jump and dance for her alone.

We will honour you Yasminah.

Our love
E&K

Not many people are aware but during Yasminah's pregnancy at one stage it was thought that she may have a CHD, but further tests came back with the all clear. Heartkids is a very deserving organisation. I know that they have helped some of the families we also support so understand the valuable work they are doing and the drive to find a cure for CHD.

I made a donation a few weeks ago on my birthday, but will be donating again and would love to see Em and Kenzie reach their goal of $250 before the Swiss Color Run on February 10, 2013. So please get behind E&K and do it 'For Yasminah'!

To make a donation please visit Em and Kenzie's fundraising page http://www.everydayhero.com.au/hero_pages/view_posts/emily_eyles

Thank you Em from the bottom of my heart. Words can never truly express the depth of my gratitude and how grateful Iam to have you as my friend. Love you always xx

Captured Week 1

I have always tried to honestly share my thoughts and feelings before and after losing Yasminah and what it is truly like to mother a child you will never see grow.

I find that almost 4 years into my journey of grief and learning to live again, the pain is always there. It never leaves you. It sometimes crushes you. You can't breathe! I sleep less. I cry more. I also appreciate the little things. My rainbows telling me how much they love me. Stroking my face, holding their little hands. Kisses from my son. Drawings of our family. Phone calls from friends who remember her. Letters from people who never knew her or I've never met but we share the bond of losing a child. People telling me that they saw a sign from her today. A butterfly floating past. Her name written on in a book. Or simply spending time with those I love and hold dear to my heart.

To be totally honest - this SUCKS! This is not how my life was going to be. I wanted to be a mum. I wanted 4 children. I do have 4 children, but I don't hold all of their hands, or get to wipe off ice cream from their chins and kiss their pain away. How do you look a picture of your family and have feelings of absolute joy and happiness and then a tinge of sadness because there is one person, one member of your family who will never join the photo. Their life will never be captured. Instead your grief is captured.

http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2012/09/capture-your-grief-this-october-2012-for-pregnancy-infant-loss-awareness-month.html

HALEY BRACKEN BECOMES AMBASSADOR FOR YASMINAH’S GIFT OF HOPE

Yasminah’s Gift of Hope will celebrate its second birthday as a registered charity today 26th May. The charity was founded to support families who experience the miscarriage, premature birth, neonatal loss, stillbirth or infant loss of their child or diagnosis of a congenital abnormality during pregnancy. One in four pregnancies ends in loss and premature birth is the leading cause of new-born deaths. In the two years since it was founded the charity has provided over 6000 Gifts Of Hope to families and many more with support.

We are very excited that Haley Bracken has accepted the role of Ambassador for Yasminah’s Gift of Hope. Haley has experienced premature birth and knows the struggle that parents go through at that time. With her help and her passion for the cause, we can reach many more families who would otherwise have to suffer through this difficult time with little or no support.

As the mother of Yasminah who was stillborn and of twins who were born prematurely, my experiences have made me realise how important it is to have something by which to remember each child and their special birth journey. The tragedy is that some families have nothing: no photos, no record, nothing to hold.

Yasminah's Gift of Hope Journals allows families to keep ultrasound images, photos, cot cards, arm bands, and foot and hand prints as a cherished keepsake of a precious life. The journals are donated to hospitals, neonatal intensive care wards and to families struggling with loss or the worry of premature births.

 

As Ambassador, Haley Bracken will help promote awareness of the high rate of premature and stillbirths in this country and the ongoing support and understanding available from Yasminah's Gift of Hope. 44,000 babies are admitted to neonatal and special care units across Australia each year. That is an incredible amount of families we need to reach. We will hold our first Fundraising Ball on August 11th with Haley Bracken as MC and Ambassador, to raise funds and help us achieve our goals.

Yasminah’s Gift of Hope has achieved a lot in two short years and with Haley Bracken as Ambassador, we intend to achieve a lot more.

 

Anniversaries remind us to count our blessings. I would like to personally thank all of our amazing, dedicated and passionate volunteers who pour their hearts and souls into providing Gifts Of Hope to families and continueing Yasminah's memory. Thank you seems so small compared to all you've done, but know that your kindness and support doesn't go unnoticed. It is appreciated by families who receive a Gift Of Hope and support when needed most.
 

EDD ~ 12th April ~

Big beautiful sky

My son Zachariah was only 21 months old when we lost Yasminah, but it still astounds me to this day what he remembers and the questions he asks.

Last week Zach was drawing a picture and asked me if Yasminah had feet. This may sound like an odd question to most, however we only had a few photos of Yasminah and none of them included her feet.

In the words of Zach who is now 4 and was diagnosed with autism last year. 

"This is the big beautiful sky. Yasminah is in your belly and her eyes are closed."

How lucky and amazing are we, to have a special little boy like Zach in our lives. We love you Zachy and are so proud of how far you have come and hope there are many great things ahead for you.

Winner of Yasminah's 3rd Birthday Memorial March

We would like to thank everyone who took part in the Yasminah's 3rd Birthday Memorial March, both as a supporting page or as a participant. Your support towards Yasminah's Gift Of Hope is greatly appreciated and allows us to continue the work we do to support families in their time of need.

We hope that you learnt some valuable information about Yasminah's Gift Of Hope and also more information about pregnancy and infant loss, congenital abnormalities and premature birth.
Please remember Yasminah's legacy and continue to share our page and the work we do with your family and friends and help break the silence.

And the very lucky winner is.......Kristy Bates!!!!!

You have won the following:
1 Gorgeously Delicious Kiki Doll as per picture from MISS KIKI of Cherry Blossom Lane
1 $20 voucher to Something Old Now Something New
1 Handmade chain wirework glass acrylic necklace, made from metal, acrylic and mixed glass from Liz Green ~ Handmade Arts Designer1 Hope Bookmark from Babys First Bracelet
1 Basic Name Print from Needeep In Design
1 $20 Voucher from Liddle Pea
1 $10 Voucher from Loganbeary Designs
1 $10 Voucher from Wrap It with Peta
1 $20 Voucher from Moments Invitations and Hire
Our Little Miracle Book from Children Having Infant Limb Deficiency
1 $10 voucher from Always and Forever Handmade Cards
1 Hot pack and cold pack from  Pumpkin's Projects!
1 Hanger from Angels from The Heart
1 $20 voucher from Evangeline's Place


**Please note: The winner will be required to pay postage on certain items.

Please contact Sarah via email sarah@ygoh.org.au to arrange delivery and postage of your goodies.

 

Yasminah's 3rd Birthday Memorial March

On Monday 26 March 2012, Yasminah should be turning 3. Her family should be celebrating the life she had lived. Instead, they will be reflecting on the impact she has had on so many people’s lives.

On 26 March, we will be holding the inaugural Yasminah’s 3^rd Birthday Memorial March. The concept is simple, we want to raise awareness about pregnancy and infant loss, stillbirth, congenital abnormalities and premature birth. In Yasminah’s memory, we will work to educate more people about the heart ache that so many families across the world suffer.

Through the March, we will attempt to show people some of the pages who support the work that Yasminah’s Gift of Hope does, make them aware of why we do the work we do, and hope that they will in turn, share this information with their friends and family.

If it was up to us, Yasminah’s Gift of Hope wouldn’t exist. We wouldn’t be doing the work that we do. But while families suffer through the loss of their child, struggle through the diagnosis of a congenital abnormality, or ride the rollercoaster of the NICU after premature birth, we will work to break the silence, raise awareness and provide support so no family has to go through it alone.

Each year in Australia approximately 58,000 couples experience reproductive loss:
About 55,000 experience early pregnancy loss, 1,750 babies are stillborn and about 900 babies die in the first twenty-eight days after birth – how are you going to make a difference?

Here is a complete run down of the details:

Start Date and Time - 10am AEST Monday 26 March 2012
End Date and Time - 10am AEST Thursday 29 March 2012

To complete the March:
1. You must be a liker of Yasminah's Gift of Hope.
2. You need to go to the Yasminah's Gift of Hope Facebook page and go to the 'Yasminah's 3rd Birthday Memorial March Album'.
3. From the album, you need to visit each participating business in turn and 'like' their page.
4. Marchers will need to like the status about Yasminah as they visit each page.
5. Marchers must then search through the albums on each page to find the picture with a statistic or information about Yasminah on it.
7. You need to "collect" each of these statistics and enter them into the following link - https://promotion.binkd.com/Enter.aspx?id=2993
8. Once you have visited each page and liked all the statuses, you can submit your answers.
9. Whoever collects all the statistics and submits them in the required time (before 10am Thursday) will then be in the running to win the big prize. The big prize will be chosen through random.org. Everyone will be assigned a number based on when we receive their submission and this number will then decide the winner.
10. When you have completed Yasminah's 3rd Birthday Memorial March, please share this status "Today I am celebrating the life of Yasminah with Yasminah's Gift Of Hope. Will you help to break the silence? Visit Yasminah's Gift of Hope to find out how" tagging 'Yasminah's Gift Of Hope' Facebook Page.

Happy 3rd Birthday to our Precious Butterfly

I'm overwhelmed by everyone's love, support, emails and messages today. I'm blessed to have amazing and supportive friends who understand the need to share my daughter's life and choose to help and support me share Yasminah's legacy.

I was brought to tears this morning. My husband asked if I had checked Facebook when I woke up, but amidst the normal morning madness getting our son ready for preschool and the girls breakfast I hadn't yet checked. When I logged onto Facebook there were already messages of support on my page and a sea of pink butterflies as people's profile pictures. Something the girls who volunteer for Yasminah's Gift Of Hope had organised as a surprise.

3 Butterflies for Yasminah's 3rd Birthday

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for thinking of us and remembering our baby girl today on what would of been her 3rd birthday.

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ Happy Birthday to our beautiful little girl Yasminah Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ 

We love and miss you beyond words and know one day we will meet again in heaven.

Fly free our precious butterfly

Lots of Love Mummy, Daddy, Zach, Aisha and Aaliyah x x x x x X

Another angel mummy friend left this poem on my page today and I would like to share it with you.

God planned a special day for me
He told me with a wink
He ordered me a special cake
(Its angel food, i think)

I'm getting lots of hugs from god
He's really good at that
And everytime i walk by
He gives my head a pat

Balloons will fill the streets for me
They float up through the clouds
And we have lots of clowns up here
They make us laugh out loud

There is a birthday carousel
Jewelled horses ride the wind
With music playing oh so sweet...
The magic never ends

Ive made so many friends you see
We laugh and play and sing
We ride our bikes and play jump rope
And sleep in Angel's wings

We'll have our cake and ice-cream
And open gifts, surprise
But we don't blow out our candles here
Instead they light the skies ♥ ♥

I'm also sending my love, thoughts and prayers to a dear friend from highschool. Tanya experienced the loss of her daughter Makayla on the 28th of March but 6 years earlier. Tanya helped me get through those early days of grief, often stayed up late talking online, we shared our photos, our memories, our pain and grief. Thank you Tanya for your friendship, support and understanding. Happy 9th Birthday to your beautiful angel Makayla. This poem is dedicated to 'Our Angels' x x

I'm a strong person but...

As we approach Yasminah's 3rd Birthday ~26 March~ I am feeling the weight and pain of her loss but also the beauty and gift of her incredibly brief but precious life. The memories, the joy, the happiness she has brought us and how much her little Gift Of Hope has helped others.

Im a strong person, but I feel the sadness creeping in, as I try to hold everything together in what is going to be a very busy and emotional week ahead. Im eternally thankful for the beautiful people who surround me with their love, friendship and support. Thank you from the bottom of my heart

Big Beautiful Belly

Today with the help of a volunteer we took photos of items that have been kindly donated towards our upcoming fundraising auction in April. So tonight once the kids were all in bed and I had some time chilling out watching TV I decided it was finally time to get the photos up on our facebook page. But then I saw there were 3 folders - from each of the 3 digital camera's I have owned.

The first camera folder was empty, the third had the photos we took this afternoon, but the second album caught me off guard! Staring back at me was the words Yasminah and time stamped 24/02/2009 They were photos that I had obviously forgot I had taken and misplaced, until tonight.

15 photos of my big beautiful pregnant belly! Pregnancy photos from Yasminah's pregnancy. 5 photos taken on the 3rd February 2009 when I was 30 weeks pregnant and 10 photos taken 3 weeks later on the 24th February at 33 weeks pregnant.

3rd February 2009 ~ 30 weeks pregnant

I don't remember my hair being that short, but I kinda like it and I loved those pants. They were my comfie, fat belly, pregnancy pants. They were light, stretchy and I lived in them, well at night anyway as they were my PJ pants.

24th February 2009 ~ 33 weeks pregnant

I love looking back at photos when I was happy like I was in this moment. Oblivious to the pain and heartache that lay ahead. Not knowing that exactly one month from the date this photo was taken our little girl would give up her fight for life. Her little heart would stop beating. My smile was broken and heart shattered into a million pieces that I'm still putting back together.

I can see how deliriously happy I was! The anticipation and excitement of growing my second child, holding my big beautiful belly safe in my arms. I remember feeling Yasminah kick me and wiggle and squirm around. She was really active, especially at night. I'm so thankful for photos of my big beautiful belly. They are memories of a time when my daughter was alive.

No one knows.......

No one really knows exactly how I truly feel. How much I still miss you and ache from your absence in our family. There are simply no amount of words, or the 'right' words I can express to say how I truly feel, not even to those closest to me. I think about you every day, I still cry tears out of happiness of how much I love you and how blessed I am to be your mummy. You have changed me incredibly. My beautiful, beautiful little girl you are a true gift.

Tears stream down my face. I don't know if I will publish this post, but it's here to help me when and If I decide to. I wonder if anyone will mention your name, if your sweet name will pass through people's lips, if you will be thought of on your birthday. I just miss you so much. I am so grateful to have your baby sisters and older brother to love, care and cherish each day. At the same time I feel your absence and wonder about what you would be like.

I was asked recently 'Are you OK now?' by a newly bereaved family. The questioned stumped me as I wanted to answer and say yes, I am OK, but I was honest. It gets easier.....sometimes and other times I think it gets harder. Milestones, anniversaries, birthday's, holidays, at each moment in time you wish they were there a part of your life. There are days when it can be like yesterday that I held Yasminah in my arms and all the pain and heartache resurfaces like an old wound aching in the winter.

But there is also hope, hope that a new child can bring. I briefly shared my story of our rainbow girls and how they have helped bring joy and happiness back into our lives. The tears ease as the days pass. You slowly venture back out into the world of doing the mundane tasks like cleaning, shopping and socialising with friends and family. Bravely holding in your sadness as you pass a pregnant woman or a family cooing over a newborn baby. It's hard when friends announce they are pregnant. You wish them nothing but happiness and pray that everything will be OK, but you wish you had your child in your arms, or if you have started the road of trying to conceive you wish to be pregnant too. Not to fill a gap, as nothing can or ever will replace the child you lost. But to once again have joy in your life, to nurture a baby, to watch them grow. Once you are pregnant you vow never to take for a granted a restless nights sleep, a dirty nappy or having the last feed splatted all over you, the lounge and the floor. You wish so much to be able to do those things.

When your pregnant friend goes into labour, it feels like a knife going deep into your chest. You hope and pray that everything is going to be OK and that they will get to take home their baby, that the labour will go smoothly. That their child will be born healthy. Then the baby is born and you know you will have to visit them and hold them in your arms. You brave the shops buying newborn clothes and hold back your tears when asked by a passer by when are you due? As you still have a 'baby' belly and look pregnant. You walk into the maternity ward, remembering the last time you were there. You then realise the last baby you held in your arms was your own and that soon another sacred moment will be gone. You feel like a thousand eyes are watching you hold that baby, too scared to say something wrong that might upset you. It feels strange to have a warm, moving, breathing baby in your arms, but comforting at the same time.

Friends status updates wishing that their child would 'go to sleep' have a different meaning. You would do anything to be kept awake by a restless baby, because at least they would be alive and you would be holding them safe in your arms. For weeks after losing Yasminah, because everyone kept referring to her as 'born sleeping' I used to freak out about my son dying in his sleep. I was a member of an online forum where mothers who had lost babies and children to SIDS shared their stories. Because my eldest was only 20 months old, I feared that God had already taken away one of my children, what was to stop him from taking away my son! I checked on him every night to make sure he was still breathing, still moving, still alive. It might sound crazy but it's true and completely normal to feel this way. If you have other children, I think you smother them with love and affection and maybe spoil them a little too much. But you do what you need to do, to get through each day. Life is short, our children we have lost have taught us this. Take each day as a gift, hold your loved ones, tell them how much you love them.

No one really knows what this is like, and even then each person's journey is so different and unique to that family and their special child.

No one knows.......and I wish no one ever had to know what this truly feels like.

Vanilla Kisses

I miss her today. I miss her so much that today I cant hide the pain. I have let the tears flow. I wish I could hold her and kiss her just one more time. Just one more kiss. One more touch.

Recently I heard someone explain the pain after losing a child like a contraction during labour. You know it's going to come and it hits you of out nowhere. You can't stop it from coming. You can only hope that it is over quickly. That the pain will subside. That you will have someone beside you to hold your hand and tell you it's going to be OK. That you will have time to prepare for the next contraction to hit. The rise and fall of emotions. The intensity of the pain to lessen. You can't do anything to stop the pain. You can only learn ways to manage it and learn to live with it.

I feel like Im right in the middle of one. It has come from nowhere. I cant function. I dont want to do anything. I just want to be. Be still. I just want to let the world go by and sit and dream of a time when she kicked in my belly when her big brother would wrap his little arms around me. The moments I held her close after she was born. When I kissed her nose. When I whispered in her ear.

I just miss her. I really miss her.

Ive learned to realize that this is grief. This isnt depression. Im not depressed. Im just a mum who misses her child and is grieving. This is grief.

We released our very special lip balms today that will be added to each of our Gift Of Hope Support Packs. It is something sacred to my memories and time with Yasminah. During Yasminah's labour I got very dry cracked lips. I still have the tube of lip balm given to me by my midwife that I used on my own lips. I applied it over and over again in an effort to soothe the visible cracks that were showing the pain I was feeling on the inside. One thing I always wanted to include in our Gift Of Hope Packs was lib balm - the very first few did include them but we now have our very own YGOH Lip Balm that will be included in every GOHP. I hope a simple little gesture can soothe their lips to give gentle kisses to their beautiful babies and the vanilla scent will make them think of the time they kissed an angel.

Birth day

Today is my birthday. A day that should be happy and filled with joy, love from those around me and cake! Yet I sit here and all I can think about is it is another birthday without Yasminah here with me.

I've been doing OK lately......it's been a while since I have felt the immense pain and weight of intense grief and heartache that losing a child brings. It comes and goes. The birthdays and anniversaries after you have lost a child can feel very isolating and each time another birthday or anniversary passes, you feel another piece of you breaking away.  

I was very lucky that I got to celebrate one of my birthday's when I was pregnant with Yasminah. I remember really wanting to do something special that day. Something we would remember, my last birthday as a mum of one. It was a really beautiful summer day. We drove to the historic Blue Mountains to visit the Three Sisters, have some lunch and then some desert.

27 weeks and 5 days pregnant with my second child ~ Yasminah ~

The Three Sisters ~ Blue Mountains ~ Australia

Zach had so much fun running around exploring his surroundings. Such an inquisitive young man. 

We then ended our visit at the famous Chocolate Shop where we each had a piece of cake and some ice cream for desert. It was a wonderful day, filled with many special moments and memories.

When I look at photos of myself when I was still pregnant with Yasminah, before I lost her I see a totally different person. I see the innocence, the hope, the excitement about our growing family, the anticipation of having a daughter to love.

I loved being pregnant and watching my belly grow. Yasminah was our miracle baby and we were so incredibly excited that we were only weeks away from meeting her. Our son was going to have a little sister to fuss over and probably fight with. Life was perfect.

I'm extremely lucky and blessed that my first birthday without Yasminah the following year, was also my first birthday with my twin girls Aisha and Aaliyah and also the day they both came home from the NICU. It also happened to be my 30th birthday. What an incredible birthday gift! For the first time in a long time, I finally felt the joy return to my life. Despite their premature birth, the long days and nights in NICU, the bumps in the road along the way, Aisha and Aaliyah were here and brought me so much love and happiness. I had two beautiful baby girls to care for and hold in my arms to watch and grow. Nothing will ever fill the gap that Yasminah left, but having something to hold onto, a small glimmer of hope that things would be ok was all I needed.

Zach returned to preschool this year and Aisha and Aaliyah started one day a week. So because my birthday falls on a Monday, my babies are all at preschool today. It kinda makes me sad that I won't be sharing the whole day with them, but we had breakfast together, and my son has requested his favourite dinner(and also mine) butter chicken. I'm really looking forward to them coming home, sharing dinner, blowing out the candles on my cake that my husband is bringing home hint, hint ;-) and the bedtime. More special memories.

Birthday's aren't about how many presents you receive, or what you did on the day. It's about the special gifts your already have in your life, the moments and memories that can't be bought or sold. The love of your family, your friends and people who care about you. Living each moment with them and celebrating the day your own mother brought you into the world - your birth day. Motherhood is an incredible gift. I am so very thankful for all 4 of my children and to my own mum who brought me into this world - Mum Happy Birthing Day!

24 hours

It would be heaven to have just one more day with Yasminah. 24 hours......with my firstborn daughter.

1. I would hold you in my arms.
2.  I would introduce you to your big brother
3. Take LOTS of photos, especially of your sweet little face, your hair and your feet.
4. Invite everyone to meet you and hold you.
5. Insist that the rest of my family meet you and hold you in their arms.
6. I would take you outside so the wind could kiss your cheeks
7. Record a video of you, so I could watch it when I feel like I'm forgetting parts of you
8. I would smother you in kisses from head to toe
9. I would comb your hair and put a pretty bow in your thick black, curly locks
10. I would dress you in the most prettiest purple dress I could find ( I think you liked purple)
11. I would sing to you, or maybe daddy should sing to you, just like he always did
11. I would read 'Always' to you as I did when you were alive in my womb
12. I would arrange hand and foot casts
13. I would arrange hand and foot prints for jewellery
14. I would arrange a photographer, so we could have a family portrait
15. Sleep with you lying on my chest
16. Change your nappy
17. I would give you a warm bubble bath (every little girl deserves bubbles)
18. I would take you for a walk in your pram
19. How I would love to just look at you one more time, and soak in every gorgeous detail
20. I would wrap you in the blanket my poppy made for me
21. Eat breakfast with you again
22. I would hold your hand
23. We would eat cake to celebrate you on your birth day
24. I would whisper in your ear, how much I love you.

Every hour of every day is precious, don't waste it, grab it with both hands, treasure it and make it count.

I wish I may, I wish I might, dream about my angel tonight...

Do you dream? Do you ever remember your dreams? Do you understand what they mean?  Do they mean anything?

Two nights ago my husband and I both had the same dream, we were watching our youngest daughter run! At the moment our twins are learning to walk. They are both happy to cruise around hanging onto furniture or holding our hands but not confident enough to let go and go off on their own, which personally is perfectly fine with me as I don't know what I am going to do when I have two little people running off in totally different directions!! Something they already like to do, one holding each hand pulling me in opposite directions. The day after having this dream Aaliyah took 9 whole steps on her own! All be them a little wobbly, a surfing moment at step number 5 before regaining her balance for the next 4 steps. I was loudly cheering her on for every step of the way and deafening my best friend who was currently on the phone with me listening as I yelled out each step.

Whenever my children reach any milestones, I always end up thinking about Yasminah and how we have missed out on these sorts of things with her. We will never see her take her first steps or run with her brother and sisters. It makes me sad.

I have only shared this with a few people, because it wasn't until later, much later after we lost Yasminah that I remembered this dream. When I was still pregnant with Yasminah, around week 35-36, I dreamt about Yasminah. At this stage I was on bedrest patiently waiting to get to the magic 38 week date for my scheduled c-section. It was such a strange dream and the only way I can describe it was confusing.

I dreamt that I had given birth to our beautiful baby girl, but I couldn't hold her. I could see her, but I kept reaching out my arms to hold her but she was just out of my reach. I felt like I was floating, trying to reach out to grab her. I remember mentioning this dream to my husband when he visited me that night. We knew when she was born she would be admitted into the neonatal intensive care unit for monitoring, so my husband just said the dream could just be about us not getting to hold her straight away as they will be taking her to NICU.

Was my dream a warning of what was to come? Was she trying to let us know that we wouldn't get to hold her forever.....

This is the one and only time I ever dreamt about my daughter and every night I wish, and wish, and wish that she might visit me in my dreams.