It would be heaven to have just one more day with Yasminah. 24 hours......with my firstborn daughter.
1. I would hold you in my arms.
2. I would introduce you to your big brother
3. Take LOTS of photos, especially of your sweet little face, your hair and your feet.
4. Invite everyone to meet you and hold you.
5. Insist that the rest of my family meet you and hold you in their arms.
6. I would take you outside so the wind could kiss your cheeks
7. Record a video of you, so I could watch it when I feel like I'm forgetting parts of you
8. I would smother you in kisses from head to toe
9. I would comb your hair and put a pretty bow in your thick black, curly locks
10. I would dress you in the most prettiest purple dress I could find ( I think you liked purple)
11. I would sing to you, or maybe daddy should sing to you, just like he always did
11. I would read 'Always' to you as I did when you were alive in my womb
12. I would arrange hand and foot casts
13. I would arrange hand and foot prints for jewellery
14. I would arrange a photographer, so we could have a family portrait
15. Sleep with you lying on my chest
16. Change your nappy
17. I would give you a warm bubble bath (every little girl deserves bubbles)
18. I would take you for a walk in your pram
19. How I would love to just look at you one more time, and soak in every gorgeous detail
20. I would wrap you in the blanket my poppy made for me
21. Eat breakfast with you again
22. I would hold your hand
23. We would eat cake to celebrate you on your birth day
24. I would whisper in your ear, how much I love you.
Every hour of every day is precious, don't waste it, grab it with both hands, treasure it and make it count.
Showing posts with label precious. Show all posts
Showing posts with label precious. Show all posts
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
OMG I'm Pregnant!
We found out we were pregnant for the third time, 9 weeks after losing our second child, our first daughter Yasminah Ann. It was in my mind, a natural miracle. A gift of hope, born from love and great loss.
I still remember my husband looking at my belly and asking me If I could be pregnant. I immediately dismissed the suggestion replying that I was still 'just fat'. Placing my hands on my wobbly belly, staring at the marks permanently etched into my skin. Marks of love, honour and growth. A part of my body that once held so many dreams and nurtured two precious babies. The crushing weight of knowing I'd only ever get to hold one of my babies in my arms lived with me each time I saw my scarred body.
The doubt, fear and excitement set in. Could I be pregnant? Would this baby die too? What would people think? Yasminah just died! Are we ready to have another child? Who cares what they think! OMG we might be pregnant! There could be a baby growing inside me right this very moment.
Then I was late........So I did a test, but I was so busy that I didn't wait the three minutes for the lines to appear. I saw one faint line appear on the test and put it aside on the bathroom vanity and went on with the day. Perhaps it wasn't being too busy to stop, it was the fear that held me back from waiting any longer after seeing that one faint negative line appear. My body had failed me, it had failed my child only a few short months beforehand. How could I believe that anything positive could happen after the devastating loss of my one and only daughter.
How on earth could I be trusted to deliver another healthy, living, breathing child into this world? How could I be trusted with growing another child? How could I trust my body growing a new child? A million and one questions and doubts ran through my mind. There was this little glimmer of hope and I grasped it with both hands and held onto it tight! How beautiful would it be to have the opportunity to grow our family, to bring another child into this world, to give my son the sibling he so desperately wanted. To feel that moment of happiness when you hold your newborn child in your arms.
It wasn't until after lunch, cleaning the ensuite I realized the test was still sitting on the bathroom vanity. When I picked it up, holding it in my hands, I couldn't believe my eyes! There staring back at me were two pink lines!! Two pink lines. A positive pregnancy test. I was pregnant. Right in this moment there was a child growing inside my broken womb. A new child. We were going to have another child. I started shaking and crying and staring at these two pink lines that appeared on the test in my hands. Something to hope for.......
I still remember my husband looking at my belly and asking me If I could be pregnant. I immediately dismissed the suggestion replying that I was still 'just fat'. Placing my hands on my wobbly belly, staring at the marks permanently etched into my skin. Marks of love, honour and growth. A part of my body that once held so many dreams and nurtured two precious babies. The crushing weight of knowing I'd only ever get to hold one of my babies in my arms lived with me each time I saw my scarred body.
The doubt, fear and excitement set in. Could I be pregnant? Would this baby die too? What would people think? Yasminah just died! Are we ready to have another child? Who cares what they think! OMG we might be pregnant! There could be a baby growing inside me right this very moment.
Then I was late........So I did a test, but I was so busy that I didn't wait the three minutes for the lines to appear. I saw one faint line appear on the test and put it aside on the bathroom vanity and went on with the day. Perhaps it wasn't being too busy to stop, it was the fear that held me back from waiting any longer after seeing that one faint negative line appear. My body had failed me, it had failed my child only a few short months beforehand. How could I believe that anything positive could happen after the devastating loss of my one and only daughter.
How on earth could I be trusted to deliver another healthy, living, breathing child into this world? How could I be trusted with growing another child? How could I trust my body growing a new child? A million and one questions and doubts ran through my mind. There was this little glimmer of hope and I grasped it with both hands and held onto it tight! How beautiful would it be to have the opportunity to grow our family, to bring another child into this world, to give my son the sibling he so desperately wanted. To feel that moment of happiness when you hold your newborn child in your arms.
It wasn't until after lunch, cleaning the ensuite I realized the test was still sitting on the bathroom vanity. When I picked it up, holding it in my hands, I couldn't believe my eyes! There staring back at me were two pink lines!! Two pink lines. A positive pregnancy test. I was pregnant. Right in this moment there was a child growing inside my broken womb. A new child. We were going to have another child. I started shaking and crying and staring at these two pink lines that appeared on the test in my hands. Something to hope for.......
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)