Roots and Wings

I came across the following note that a friend had posted to her page. I don't know who the original author of it is, but it sums up perfectly the way we should parent our children.

As a mother to three young children, I'm mindful that they won't always be little. That the first few years of their lives, they develop the imagination and skills to tackle the big bright world ahead of them. They need the warmth of love, support and encouragement not processions or trophy's.

Give them the chance to explore, create and learn by getting dirty in the mud, drawing on themselves with markers and reading books to excite their imagination. Let them be kids and develop a sense of wonder! Every child is unique and will learn and develop at their own pace.

My eldest Zachariah is 6 years old and was diagnosed as having high functioning autism or aspergers when he was 4. We have always encouraged him to be who he is and have marvelled at the way he views the world around him. I also have two adorable 3 year old twin girls Aisha and Aaliyah, who we call our twincesses! They were born 9 weeks premature and people often suggested that they weren't reaching their 'milestones' when they should have been. Time is a beautiful thing and over time they reached all those 'milestones' at their own pace. Although they are twins, they couldn't be more individual and are growing into strong, confident, happy, caring little girls.

I could add so much more to this note below, but the pre-school teacher sums it up pretty well! Give your children roots and wings. Let them learn how to fly.


Written by a Pre-School Teacher


I was on a parenting bulletin board recently and read a post by a mother who was worried that her 4 1/2 year old did not know enough. “What should a 4 year old know?” she asked. Most of the answers left me not only saddened but pretty soundly annoyed.


One mum posted a laundry list of all of the things her son knew. Counting to 100, planets, how to write his first and last name, and on and on. Others chimed in with how much more their children already knew, some who were only three. A few posted URL’s to lists of what each age should know. The fewest yet said that each child develops at his own pace and not to worry.

It bothered me greatly to see these mothers responding to a worried mum by adding to her concern, with lists of all the things their children could do that hers couldn’t. We are such a competitive culture that even our pre-schoolers have become trophies and bragging rights. Childhood shouldn’t be a race.

So here, I offer my list of what a 4 year old should know.

She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.

He should know that he is safe and he should know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations. He should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he never has to do something that doesn’t feel right, no matter who is asking. He should know his personal rights and that his family will back them up.

She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy and use her imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint the sky orange and give cats 6 legs.

He should know his own interests and be encouraged to follow them. If he could care less about learning his numbers, his parents should realize he’ll learn them accidentally soon enough and let him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or playing in the mud.

She should know that the world is magical and that so is she. She should know that she’s wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvellous. She should know that it’s just as worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that– way more worthy.



But more important, here’s what parents need to know.

That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do algebra at his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he walks, talks, reads or does algebra.

That the single biggest predictor of high academic achievement and high NAPLAN scores is reading to children. Not flash cards, not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers, but mum or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!) to sit and read them wonderful books.

That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught up in trying to give our children “advantages” that we’re giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood.

That our children deserve to be surrounded by books, nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them. Most of us could get rid of 90% of our children’s toys and they wouldn’t be missed, but some things are important– building toys like Lego and blocks, creative toys like all types of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments (real ones and multicultural ones), dress up clothes and books, books, books. (Incidentally, much of this can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.) They need to have the freedom to explore with these things too– to play with scoops of dried beans in the high chair (supervised, of course), to knead bread and make messes, to use paint and play dough and glitter at the kitchen table while we make supper even though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where it’s absolutely fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit.

That our children need more of us. We have become so good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids. Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That’s not okay!


Our children don’t need Nintendo's, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice nearly as much as they need US. They need fathers who sit and listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act like idiots with them. They need us to take walks with them and not mind the .1 KPH pace of a toddler on a spring night. They deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as long and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that they’re a priority for us and that we truly love to be with them.

Guest Post ~ Children Having Infant Limb Deficiency ~ CHILD ~ Katherine Moffett

This is my very first guest blog, of what I hope will be many more. My dear friend Katherine Moffett. I will always remember when we first found each other online, I was about 25 weeks pregnant with Yasminah. It was so wonderful to find someone who also had a child with a congenital limb difference. It gave me hope that everything would be OK and it didn't matter that Yasminah had a limb difference, she would still be able to do amazing things and would always have the support and strength of her family and friends. I still remember when I had to tell Kath she had passed away :( It was heartbreaking as she had offered to pass along some of Sienna's clothes. I knew even before I had Yasminah that I wanted to help other families in some way. Katherine was the person that helped me get all the paperwork and charity started as she had only recently done it for CHILD. Thank you Kath for being the most amazing, supportive friend a girl could ever hope for. I will continue to help with CHILD wherever I can as it will always have a place close to my heart and all the amazing friendships with the many different CHILD families I have made along the way. Don't forget that you are amazing and the person who inspired me to start something in Yasminah's memory, for that I will always be grateful ♥ Bec x x


This was Katherine's post on our Facebook page last week

Katherine

I was sitting here thinking about the past three and a half years for me. All the amazing people who have touched my life thus far. Rebecca and I met after she found out about Yasminah's differences as I run Children Having Infant Limb Deficiency - CHILD. We spoke here and there, I would try and shed light on the situation because I don't like parents thinking their alone when something like this i...s diagnosed. I remember when I found out about Yasminahs passing. I was sitting in my loungeroom in Prestons, Sydney. And I read a message Rebecca had sent me. I started to cry. She was the first little baby Id had the honour of being involved with who had lost her life. So when time went on and Rebecca said she wanted to start Yasminahs Gift of Hope, I was more than happy to help with whatever I could and I'm sure you remember Rebecca, the paperwork was a nightmere LOL....But Id just like to express my absolute love and admiration for one of my closest friends Rebecca Aziz. I have the utmost respect for her and all the work she puts in. Literally! Blood sweat and tears!! She is why I still do what I do, she is my inspiration. When my ex husband left me because we had a child born with disabilities it was my friends who picked me up and who encouraged me. In the last week alone, Rebecca has helped me so much, twitter, the blog, I just cant express how important you are to all of us Bec and I pray that a big tycoon with millions of dollars comes up and says "Here love, $1,000,000 to make a difference"! Love you xxx

Pregnancy can best be described as riding a very intense rollercoaster of emotions. Some days your up, others your way down. Other times you feel like your going around in circles and the weeks and months will never end.

But once labour is over, or the caesarean section is complete and your holding your newborn for the very first time, touching her soft skin, adoring her face, it all seems worth it. Picturesque isn’t it? Sounds perfect. Well the fact of the matter is, it’s not always like this.

This is her story, it is one of extreme lows, mounting highs and all the in-between.

Siennas pregnancy seemed normal. Besides some crazy dreams about her being born with dwarfism, a reoccurring dream I had at least five times and some bouts of anxiety my pregnancy was what I would call perfect.

Ultrasounds out of the way, we were told the baby was healthy, ten fingers, ten toes, I was content and anxious to meet my little bundle. When she was born though she was whisked away to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit of the Hospital. I saw her for one minute after she was born and she was tightly wrapped, so tight in fact I could not unwrap her blankets and any attempts to do so were squashed.

Three hours after her birth, the news was broken to me that my perfect little girl, with ten fingers, ten toes and a button nose, wasn’t in fact what I'd expected. I was confronted with a very little baby, her arms were significantly different lengths, her shoulder on the right was smaller than the left, her right elbow was fused and could not be bend and the biggest shock of all, she had no thumbs. Eight little fingers is all she had. She had major upper limb issues, a heart condition and scoliosis of the hips.
The weeks and months that followed were tough, trying to adjust to life with a child with such different needs to what I would have called back then a normal baby.

My marriage broke down. The stress was all too much and I found myself attending the hospital appointments alone, dragging a three year old with one hand while trying to push a pram with the other.

Over the past three and a half years, I’ve tried to make Siennas life as normal as possible. She never misses out. She is always involved. Never left behind is my family motto. We have all pitched in to make sure my children’s lives are as unaffected by all of this as possible.

But what do you do when a child, who is around seven years old, decides to point out that he thinks your pride and joy, your little princess, is a “freak” and is “scary”. How would you deal with this? It’s so easy to dish out advice to other parents about how to handle things like this but when it actually happens to you, it hits you like a ton of bricks.

My answer, educate the community. Teach your child that staring at someone who has a disability, or any difference is not polite. Calling someone a freak, scary, ugly, fat, four eyes, none of it is right. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I’m telling you words do hurt. How can I protect my daughter from the big bad world when all I want to do is hide her away and protect her? I’m asking parents all over the world, to do what’s right and educate your children. Teach them what is right from wrong. My daughter didn’t ask for this. She didn’t ask to be born like this. Lately she has been asking me why she can't have ten fingers like mummy. And also why she has to keep going back to the hospital.

I am now the sole parent to three amazing children. All of whom adore and love each other unconditionally. They are all protective and respectful of each other.
Please, help me make the world an easier place for children like my daughter to feel safe and not judged because of their physical appearance. Bullying is wrong! Teasing is wrong! Poking, prodding and pushing are wrong whether the person is disabled or not!

I'm doing my best to educate the world. I started a charity in 2009 called CHILD. Children Having Infant Limb Deficiency. To date I have made contact with over 500 families from all over the world whose child has either been born with a limb difference or has an acquired limb difference (amputee). Our children are all amazing human beings. And I am trying to help them get the confidence they need to face the world loud and proud!


I’m normally a very calm and placid woman but I need to stand up and fight for the rights of my daughter now and those of other children with any type of disability. Bullying is wrong; educate yourselves and your loved ones. Bullying is ignorance and I for one will not tolerate it anymore.

Katherine Moffett

To learn more about CHILD and support Katherine's work please visit www.childorg.net.au and follow them on Facebook