Roots and Wings

I came across the following note that a friend had posted to her page. I don't know who the original author of it is, but it sums up perfectly the way we should parent our children.

As a mother to three young children, I'm mindful that they won't always be little. That the first few years of their lives, they develop the imagination and skills to tackle the big bright world ahead of them. They need the warmth of love, support and encouragement not processions or trophy's.

Give them the chance to explore, create and learn by getting dirty in the mud, drawing on themselves with markers and reading books to excite their imagination. Let them be kids and develop a sense of wonder! Every child is unique and will learn and develop at their own pace.

My eldest Zachariah is 6 years old and was diagnosed as having high functioning autism or aspergers when he was 4. We have always encouraged him to be who he is and have marvelled at the way he views the world around him. I also have two adorable 3 year old twin girls Aisha and Aaliyah, who we call our twincesses! They were born 9 weeks premature and people often suggested that they weren't reaching their 'milestones' when they should have been. Time is a beautiful thing and over time they reached all those 'milestones' at their own pace. Although they are twins, they couldn't be more individual and are growing into strong, confident, happy, caring little girls.

I could add so much more to this note below, but the pre-school teacher sums it up pretty well! Give your children roots and wings. Let them learn how to fly.


Written by a Pre-School Teacher


I was on a parenting bulletin board recently and read a post by a mother who was worried that her 4 1/2 year old did not know enough. “What should a 4 year old know?” she asked. Most of the answers left me not only saddened but pretty soundly annoyed.


One mum posted a laundry list of all of the things her son knew. Counting to 100, planets, how to write his first and last name, and on and on. Others chimed in with how much more their children already knew, some who were only three. A few posted URL’s to lists of what each age should know. The fewest yet said that each child develops at his own pace and not to worry.

It bothered me greatly to see these mothers responding to a worried mum by adding to her concern, with lists of all the things their children could do that hers couldn’t. We are such a competitive culture that even our pre-schoolers have become trophies and bragging rights. Childhood shouldn’t be a race.

So here, I offer my list of what a 4 year old should know.

She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.

He should know that he is safe and he should know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations. He should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he never has to do something that doesn’t feel right, no matter who is asking. He should know his personal rights and that his family will back them up.

She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy and use her imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint the sky orange and give cats 6 legs.

He should know his own interests and be encouraged to follow them. If he could care less about learning his numbers, his parents should realize he’ll learn them accidentally soon enough and let him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or playing in the mud.

She should know that the world is magical and that so is she. She should know that she’s wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvellous. She should know that it’s just as worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that– way more worthy.



But more important, here’s what parents need to know.

That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do algebra at his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he walks, talks, reads or does algebra.

That the single biggest predictor of high academic achievement and high NAPLAN scores is reading to children. Not flash cards, not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers, but mum or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!) to sit and read them wonderful books.

That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught up in trying to give our children “advantages” that we’re giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood.

That our children deserve to be surrounded by books, nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them. Most of us could get rid of 90% of our children’s toys and they wouldn’t be missed, but some things are important– building toys like Lego and blocks, creative toys like all types of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments (real ones and multicultural ones), dress up clothes and books, books, books. (Incidentally, much of this can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.) They need to have the freedom to explore with these things too– to play with scoops of dried beans in the high chair (supervised, of course), to knead bread and make messes, to use paint and play dough and glitter at the kitchen table while we make supper even though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where it’s absolutely fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit.

That our children need more of us. We have become so good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids. Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That’s not okay!


Our children don’t need Nintendo's, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice nearly as much as they need US. They need fathers who sit and listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act like idiots with them. They need us to take walks with them and not mind the .1 KPH pace of a toddler on a spring night. They deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as long and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that they’re a priority for us and that we truly love to be with them.

This is your song

There is an African tribe, where it is believed that the moment a woman thinks about having a child, her child is born. This becomes the child's birth date. When the woman decides that she will have a child, she goes and sits alone beside a tree. She carefully listens for the 'song' of the child that wants to come. After she has heard the song of this child, she goes back to the man that will be the child's father and she teaches him, his child's song. When they make physical love to conceive their child, some of that time they sing the song of the child, to bring it to life.

When the woman is pregnant, she teaches her child's song to the midwives and the old women of the village. When the child is born the midwives and old women of the village welcome the child into the world singing the child's song. As the child grows, the rest of the village are taught the child's song. The belief is if the child is injured or hurt, the other villagers sing the child's song to comfort them. The child's song is also sung during important milestones as a way of honouring their achievements.


If I had to choose my song, it would have to be 'I was here' by Beyoncé.

We may not all be able to sing like Beyoncé, or have grown up in an African tribe that sings your song to you at crucial life transitions, but life is always reminding you when you are in tune with yourself and when you are not.

When my husband and I first started dating, there was one song that just expressed how we felt about each other and what we both hoped and dreamed, that one day we would have a child together. Without even realizing it, our child was born. Therefor our first born child's song would have to be 'Tamika' by Immature.

"You mean the world to me, Tamika. You are my everything, Tamika".

We never knew exactly how long it would take to have our first child, or that our first born would be a boy. After 6 years we were completely over the moon to be parents! We never thought that we would fall pregnant for a second time so easily. Yasminah was a miracle from the very beginning. Despite a complicated pregnancy, she was our little angel and never would will realize just how true those words would be. After Yasminah passed away and even on the day of her funeral, Beyoncé's song 'Halo' played everywhere we went. I can still remember the warmth of the sun on my face, as tears streamed down my cheek after laying my daughter to rest. It quite quickly become 'her' song.

"Remember those walls I built, well baby they're tumbling down. They didn't even put up a fight. They didn't even make a sound. I found a way to let you in, but I never really had a doubt. Standing in the light of your halo, I've got my angel now. It's like I've been awakened, ever rule I had you breaking. It's the risk that I'm taking....... Everywhere I'm looking now I'm surrounded by your embrace. Baby I can see your halo. You know your my saving grace."

No song could more profoundly be appropriate for our twin daughters Aisha and Aaliyah than Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwoʻole's 'Somewhere over the rainbow'.

"Dreams really do come true"

I hope you can find your song. Sing your song. Sing like no one is listening!

First Day of School

 

 

 

My eldest child started Kindergarten today.

We have planned for this moment, waited for this moment and rejoiced in this memory.

It's such an exciting, emotional, beautiful gift to be able to send my first born child to school.

 

I found this note 'To My Child's First Teacher' and wanted to share for all the parent's who have sent their child to Kindergarten this year.

 

 

My Name is Zachariah Sherif Aziz

 

1st Day of Kindergarten ~ Wednesday 30th January 2013

 

Age I started school ~ 5 years and 7 months old

 

Height ~ 121cm

 

Weight ~ 22.4kg

 

 

 

 

 

Happy New Year!

On behalf of everyone at Yasminah's Gift Of Hope, I would like to personally wish you all a Happy and Safe New Year for 2013. 

Thank you to each and every one of our 5285 supporters for your likes, comments, shares and help spreading awareness and offering support to families across Australia and the World. Your love, ongoing support and generosity truly touches our hearts and we can never thank you enough in words for simply being here and sharing Yasminah's Gift of Hope. You are a part of our family, our story and we hope that you will continue to share and support Yasminah's Gift Of Hope in 2013. We have so many new hopes and dreams to strengthen and extend our support services and break the silence on Premature Birth, Pregnancy and Infant Loss. This year we were able to help well over 1500 families across Australia. A bittersweet number, but only possible because of your support.

Yasminah's Gift of Hope is a 100% voluntary organisation. We currently have 49 volunteers who all dedicate their time to helping others, many in memory of their loved one. Please send your love and thanks to each and every volunteer. They are the true heart and soul of YGOH and become a part of our family, a friend. Each volunteer brings a significant contribution towards creating a Gift Of Hope and offering support to families during a time of need. You should all be so proud of your achievements. Keep up the amazing work and thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your passion, commitment and support. Your help is always valued and deeply appreciated.

2012 has been a tremendous year for us at Yasminah's Gift Of Hope. We celebrated our 2nd year as a charitable organisation, Yasminah's 3rd birthday, our most productive Journals For June, our first Pregnancy, Baby and Children's Expo, our first Butterfly Garden Ball and 2 Rainbow Babies for the Yasminah's Gift Of Hope family - Nyah and Lincoln and there are a few Rainbow Babies on the way due in 2013! We welcomed our Official Ambassador Haley Bracken and are forever grateful for her beautiful inspiring video created to spread awareness and for her love and dedication towards the cause. Thank you Haley ( Haley Bracken (Official)

45,000 babies are admitted to Neonatal Intensive Care or Special Care each year across Australia

3 - 4 children out of every 100 born will have a Congenital Abnormality, Malformation or birth defect

1 in 4 Pregnancies in Australia end in Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Neonatal Loss

6 babies are Stillborn each day in Australia

Each one of these families needs our support and a Gift Of Hope. I have personally sent 63 families a Gift of Hope this year, hand delivered over 250 Gift's Of Hope to my local hospitals in NSW and sent a further 824 Gifts Of Hope to Hospitals across Australia. Our Hospital Liaison officers have sent many more Gifts of Hope to their local hospitals, volunteers have decorated journals, hand knit booties, beanies and blankets and sent scrapbooking material to help. I'm overwhelmed at the kindness, love and generosity. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Yasminah's Gift Of Hope aim to provide a safe, supportive community for families to share their thoughts, feelings and personal experiences without judgement. We currently support over 378 families across 10 different support groups. Each in their own stage of grief, hope, peace and understanding.

To the families who gave birth prematurely in 2012, Congratulations on the safe albeit early arrival of your child. We hope for those of you who are still in Neonatal Intensive Care, Special Care or Pediatric Care that you find some time to enjoy the small things and be with those you love. We know how hard it is not having the New Year you envisioned but hope that you will be home together as a family in 2013. Gain strength, stay healthy and keep smiling :)

To the families who lost a child this year, the year before last or many years ago we are thinking of you all. We know how your arms ache to hold your child, how the tears will silently fall as the clock strikes midnight. Instead of thinking of it as another year away from the time you were with your child, think of all the beautiful memories and joy they brought you - when you found out you were pregnant, the first ultrasound, the first time your felt your baby kick or have the hiccups, the moment they were born. Each families journey is unique and individual to their own experience. Whilst some of us know the pain and heartache you feel, and share similar thoughts and feelings your child's memory is your own. You are never alone, there is always someone to lean on for support and understanding. Please take care and go gently so you can continue to heal emotionally and physically.

My thoughts are with some very special families that are always in my thoughts - Gerry Tye, Andrea Clare Bishop, Daniel Morcombe Foundation (official page)l, RIP Jill Meagher and the families from Sandy Hook Elementary School.

I wish you all hope for 2013, strength for the days ahead, love for the families that will give birth prematurely or experience the heartbreak of losing a child in 2013, peace for everyone, and a year full of life's abundant blessings and most of all good health and happiness!

I'd also like to thank my husband and my 3 children Zach, Aisha and Aaliyah. I love you all very much and know that Yasminah is always with us in spirit until we meet again. Thank you for standing beside me this past year and supporting me. Love you lots xx

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Hope, Light, Love and Happiness

Big beautiful sky

My son Zachariah was only 21 months old when we lost Yasminah, but it still astounds me to this day what he remembers and the questions he asks.

Last week Zach was drawing a picture and asked me if Yasminah had feet. This may sound like an odd question to most, however we only had a few photos of Yasminah and none of them included her feet.

In the words of Zach who is now 4 and was diagnosed with autism last year. 

"This is the big beautiful sky. Yasminah is in your belly and her eyes are closed."

How lucky and amazing are we, to have a special little boy like Zach in our lives. We love you Zachy and are so proud of how far you have come and hope there are many great things ahead for you.

The Power of Love

There are days when it can all get too much.

Days you just want to throw your hands up in the air!

But a great BIG squishy hug! (excuse the picture quality)



 

A cheeky grin from the ones you ~ LOVE ~

 

Can be all you need to make it through the day

 

~ That is the Power of Love ~

Birth day

Today is my birthday. A day that should be happy and filled with joy, love from those around me and cake! Yet I sit here and all I can think about is it is another birthday without Yasminah here with me.

I've been doing OK lately......it's been a while since I have felt the immense pain and weight of intense grief and heartache that losing a child brings. It comes and goes. The birthdays and anniversaries after you have lost a child can feel very isolating and each time another birthday or anniversary passes, you feel another piece of you breaking away.  

I was very lucky that I got to celebrate one of my birthday's when I was pregnant with Yasminah. I remember really wanting to do something special that day. Something we would remember, my last birthday as a mum of one. It was a really beautiful summer day. We drove to the historic Blue Mountains to visit the Three Sisters, have some lunch and then some desert.

27 weeks and 5 days pregnant with my second child ~ Yasminah ~

The Three Sisters ~ Blue Mountains ~ Australia

Zach had so much fun running around exploring his surroundings. Such an inquisitive young man. 

We then ended our visit at the famous Chocolate Shop where we each had a piece of cake and some ice cream for desert. It was a wonderful day, filled with many special moments and memories.

When I look at photos of myself when I was still pregnant with Yasminah, before I lost her I see a totally different person. I see the innocence, the hope, the excitement about our growing family, the anticipation of having a daughter to love.

I loved being pregnant and watching my belly grow. Yasminah was our miracle baby and we were so incredibly excited that we were only weeks away from meeting her. Our son was going to have a little sister to fuss over and probably fight with. Life was perfect.

I'm extremely lucky and blessed that my first birthday without Yasminah the following year, was also my first birthday with my twin girls Aisha and Aaliyah and also the day they both came home from the NICU. It also happened to be my 30th birthday. What an incredible birthday gift! For the first time in a long time, I finally felt the joy return to my life. Despite their premature birth, the long days and nights in NICU, the bumps in the road along the way, Aisha and Aaliyah were here and brought me so much love and happiness. I had two beautiful baby girls to care for and hold in my arms to watch and grow. Nothing will ever fill the gap that Yasminah left, but having something to hold onto, a small glimmer of hope that things would be ok was all I needed.

Zach returned to preschool this year and Aisha and Aaliyah started one day a week. So because my birthday falls on a Monday, my babies are all at preschool today. It kinda makes me sad that I won't be sharing the whole day with them, but we had breakfast together, and my son has requested his favourite dinner(and also mine) butter chicken. I'm really looking forward to them coming home, sharing dinner, blowing out the candles on my cake that my husband is bringing home hint, hint ;-) and the bedtime. More special memories.

Birthday's aren't about how many presents you receive, or what you did on the day. It's about the special gifts your already have in your life, the moments and memories that can't be bought or sold. The love of your family, your friends and people who care about you. Living each moment with them and celebrating the day your own mother brought you into the world - your birth day. Motherhood is an incredible gift. I am so very thankful for all 4 of my children and to my own mum who brought me into this world - Mum Happy Birthing Day!

Dear Yasminah

To my dear daughter Yasminah,

Today I feel your love all around me. The heavens are even sending their love to earth. It has been pouring with rain for 2 whole days. You know how much I love the rain as it always reminds me of you. It was raining when you were born and when your service begun the day we said goodbye. I like to think its your way of letting me know that you are proud of everything I do in your memory and you are showering us with your love. You always manage to bring a smile to my face, when just the mention of visiting you at the cemetery brings tears from the skies.

How I miss you and wish every day that we could have you here with us. I wonder what it would be like for Zach to have his special little baby butterfly. I watched him play with a child your age and they had so much fun! He talks about you and mentions you when he spots a butterfly. He is always getting me to open my locket with your photo, footprints and lock of your beautiful dark curly hair and he likes me to keep it open, he even gets angry with me if I close it. You are very much a part of our family even though you are not physically with us. We speak your name everyday. You will forever be his Minah.

Your little sisters Aisha and Aaliyah are an amazing gift of love and hope. I often think how they might not be here if we had not lost you. As much as I want you here I wouldn't change anything in my life as they are brought us sunshine, happiness and joy after so much heartache. It still pains me that Aisha and Aaliyah don't have their big sister here, but I am glad they have each other and thankful we had twins. Daddy always says that God took you away but gave us back two. Definitely double the love and joy. It is amazing we even conceived another baby after everything daddy and I have been through, let alone twins! They are our miracle. Thank you beautiful girl for watching over your sisters and keeping them safe despite their early entrance to the world.

I knew right from the start that you were special, but I never knew how much you would change my life and make me grow as a person. I wonder what it is like in heaven. I believe in it, I have to, I have to believe that there is a place where you are happy and that we did not lose you, that we will meet again......one day

Yasminah I love you, always and forever mummy x x x x x x

Love bites, squeezy hugs & haircuts

Personally I love to be hugged. Some people love kisses, some like hugs, some prefer to shake hands. But I am a self confessed hug-aholic. There is no greater feeling than being hugged.

In our family we lovingly refer to hugs as squeezy hugs. They basically involve a warm embrace, with our arms squeezing each other tight ie squeezy hug.

Aisha and Aaliyah have only recently started giving us squeezy hugs. It is so wonderful when your children can start returning the love and warms my heart that they are now at an age where they understand. Aisha is just like me, loves giving and receiving hugs. She gives the BEST hugs she snuggles into your neck, rests her head on your shoulder and wraps her arms around you ahhh! I Just LOVE it!

One other thing Aisha loves to do is bite :/ She most recently gave me what we have nick-named love bites, whilst giving me a squeezy hug. Ouch! Boy oh boy did it hurt! She sunk her teeth right into my shoulder, whilst her arms were lovingly wrapped around my neck. Aisha also likes to give love bites to her sister Aaliyah. We discovered Aisha had sunk her teeth into Aaliyahs arm. The evidence is right there and she even drew blood. Poor Aaliyah

Aisha and Aaliyah like any sisters have a real love, hate relationship. They can be the best of friends laughing and playing nicely with each other, then in an instant they are fighting over a toy, biting, pulling each others hair, pushing, kicking and climbing over each other. They share an amazing bond, two peas in a pod but their personalities are completely opposite! Chalk and cheese really.

Then there are haircuts! Zach has always had a problem with us cutting his hair, ever since I can remember. We have tried everything and even taking him to a barber didn't help. If you were to walk past our house whilst we are giving Zach a haircut, you would be mistaken to think he was in immense pain and being held against his will......well he kinda is. It is a military operation that involves me holding Zach in a squeezy hug so he doesn't freak out whilst my husband trims his hair with the clippers. We have tried bribery with chocolate, lollies, ice cream, cars, and toys and he will still scream, cry and carry on like we are hurting him and trying to cut off his head.

It's not his fault though, he has trouble dealing with his emotions and controlling his reactions to the world around him. You see Zach has some developmental delays that I wont go into a lot of detail about here, other than say that they suspect he has some form of autism, but can't make an official diagnosis as yet because of his age. He is 3 and a half, even though to look at him you would think he was 5 or 6.

It is still hard for me to believe that my affectionate, caring, bright, artistic, young man could be autistic, but I have had to learn to accept that there could be something wrong. He has been through a lot, and sometimes I blame myself, wondering if it was something I did or didn't do. Is it because I was too consumed in my grief for Yasminah at a crucial stage of his development. Have I failed him as a mother, and parent in not seeing that something was wrong sooner. He was always ahead of his peers in his development (yes one of those kids) he walked at 11.5 months, was saying lots of words then sometime after or before we lost Yasminah his vocabulary slowed down. The sad thing is I can't even pinpoint an exact time. Most kids his age can tell you their name, how old they are, where they live, and talk in 5-6 word sentences. Zach has only just mastered answering 'What is your name?' and we are working on 'How old are you?' but I suspect by the time he knows he is 3, he could be 4 lol so then we would need to start again.

The surprising thing is he has a thirst for knowledge and an outstanding long term memory of the strangest things. For example clothes he has received as birthday or Christmas presents, he can tell you when he got them and who they were from. So everyday when we are getting dressed I will hear 'nanna's shirt, Christmas' or 'mummys jumper, birthday'.

Then there is the iPhone - he picked this up the moment we got it and can use it like a pro, better than most adults and has even taught me a thing or too about it! We made the decision to get him an iPad as our developmental paediatrician recommended some wonderful applications we could use to encourage him to communicate with us and extend his vocabulary and help him understand the world around him. I have to say I honestly think it has helped. We have to constantly prepare him for new situations, places or people, otherwise it can be too overwhelming for him and cause him a lot of distress.

Which brings me back to squeezy hugs! When he gets distressed he likes squeezy hugs. I have read somewhere that children on the autism spectrum like to be held tight and enjoy firm overall pressure. This is a whole new world to me and just like being a mum to an angel, having a child on the autism spectrum is like belonging to a club no one asks to join...........We will just keep taking it one squeezy hug and haircut at a time