Journals For June 2013

World Prematurity Day - November 17

Join us and help raise awareness

Saturday 17th November 2012 is World Prematurity Day and this year the National Premmie Foundation is again participating in the global campaign to raise awareness of the 15 million babies who are born too soon each year. Preterm birth accounts for more than 1 in every 10 live births. Approximately 23,000 of these babies are born in Australia and we want everyone to join the campaign to raise awareness of the issues these babies and their families face.

Pre term or premature birth, birth before 37 weeks gestation is the second leading cause of newborn death globally. Babies who survive an early birth often face the increased risk of health challenges such as breathing problems, cerebral palsy, intellectual disabilities and many other hurdles. For many families pre term birth brings with it neonatal or infant loss.

The National Premmie Foundation is a founding member group of the World Prematurity Network, joined alongside other like-minded organisations from around the globe to raise awareness and change the lives of babies born too soon.

How you can get involved

We are asking people throughout Australia to get behind World Prematurity Day.
In 2011, the Empire State Building was lit up purple and it will do so again in 2012 with other buildings from around the world.  This year in Australia, the Questacon building in Canberra, is lighting up purple.  You can be a part of our “light it up purple” campaign in Australia by purchasing a National Premmie Foundation candle and lighting it at 7pm in your own home. 


To participate

• Visit and become a fan of our Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/nationalpremmiefoundation
• Change your profile picture on Facebook (the image is available below)
• Purchase your very own candle for our “Light it up purple” campaign via our online store
• Visit our Facebook event page and click “Join” and “Invite Friends”
• Join the official World Prematurity Day Facebook page and add your story of premature birth or neonatal loss
• Light your candle on Saturday the 17th November 2012 @ 7pm
• Donate online and support the National Premmie Foundation

Spread the word

We invite everyone to help spread the word about the 17th November 2012. You can update your Facebook profile image and even your cover photo, place a WPD banner on your website or blog (linking to our website), share the link to our online store so your family and friends can purchase a candle and join in celebrating the day.

Why is there a World Prematurity Day?

Around the globe each year 15 million babies are born too soon, sadly around 1 million of these babies will not survive.

In 2008, the idea came about to raise awareness of the serious issues that these babies and their families face and since then the day has gained more and more support and each year has gone from strength to strength.

In 2009, the National Premmie Foundation joined forces with international groups, March of Dimes (USA), LittleBigSouls (Africa) and EFCNI (Germany) to raise awareness of the serious issues that these babies and their families face. 

In 2010, the Foundation officially celebrated its first World Prematurity Day in Australia after moving our annual National Premmie Day celebrations from July to November in recognition of the world joining forces to make a difference. 

In 2011 and 2012, further international groups, Bliss (UK) and Home for Premature Babies (China), joined the World Prematurity Network. United together, we can make a difference and raise the voice of prematurity in the public domain.

Please join us together with our member groups - Loddon Mallee Kids, Life’s Little Treasures Foundation, Preterm Infant’s Parent’s Association, L’il Aussie Prems Foundation and Yasminah’s Gift of Hope on Saturday the 17th November 2012.  Let’s make some noise, unite together and be the voice for all the children born too soon in Australia. 

In memory of ~ Triton ~

Yesterday was busy. Another crazy, busy day.

This morning after my children went off with their dad to preschool, I made myself breakfast and sat down to enjoy a hot cup of tea, warm toast and catch up on a little bit of television. At the same time I log on my phone to facebook to see what has been happening overnight.

Yesterday a lovely person whom I have come to admire, shared Yasminah's Gift Of Hope with the world. Upon reading the post I was brought to tears. I literally sat there and cried. Not because of sadness but because someone whom I hardly know took a moment from her day to say my daughter's name and share with the world what we do at Yasminah's Gift Of Hope. I felt proud. I missed Yasminah. I cried. I have poured my heart and soul into the website, and majority of it I have written myself, from what I wanted when I lost Yasminah. Things I hoped would help another during their times of grief. Someone thought that my story was worth sharing. My daughter was worth remembering.

I wanted to write her a long message, thanking her, telling her how much it meant to me. I'm sure she already knew, but I wanted her to know.

But then the doorbell sang and I closed my laptop.

As I opened the door, it was my friend. She had left her family to come and help me today with Yasminah's Gift Of Hope Auction. My friend knew that Yasminah's Gift Of Hope had been mentioned as one of the 10 websites Baby Loss Parents should visit for grief support and healing. She understood as I wiped away my tears. Knowing I just seen the post.

I really wanted to reply.

I wanted to send Devan a message.

I did, but I should of said more.

I went about the rest of my day.

Later that evening when all the children were tucked up in bed and I had finished cleaning up the kitchen. Wiping down the girls high chairs. I sat down and wrote her another brief message, thanking Devan for her support and I mentioned her son's name. Triton.

Triton was born sleeping 4 years ago on the 24th April.

What a special little soul. A child who was loved, wanted and is missed beyond words.

Struggling to keep my eyes open. There was still so much more I could do. However being sick for the last couple of weeks, I knew I should get some rest. I went to bed at 1:30am.

Then back to this morning. Reading. I read the most heartbreaking post, screaming for support, that literally made my chest hurt, my heart ache. And I felt awful that on a day when I should of stopped and took some time to see how my friend was doing. I didn't.

We all want to share our children's life. We want to scream that they were born, they are still a part of our family. Yesterday some comments were left on Devan's post, not remembering her son's Triston's life, but suggesting 'other' places that she 'should' of shared. If those people had took the time to read the post correctly - they would of read that Devan was sharing websites that had helped her during her grief. We all know there are thousands of sites out there offering support, but on this day, Devan wanted to share what had helped her the most.

So now I'm crying again. Because I know the pain that Devan is feeling. I have recently felt like this. After everything that I have created and done in my daughter's memory, I still feel alone. Very alone. Grief is so lonely. You want to connect to others who understand your pain, your suffering, the ache deep in your heart to hold the child that once grew inside of your body. The child that you nurtured, you loved, you adored. The hopes and dreams that you had for that child. But instead you are alone. You can't hold that child. You are left wondering what they would be like today. What they would look like. You are left wondering if you are the only one who remembers, and understands that today is their birth day.

My point in my writing this is, is tell you to STOP. Take a moment out of your day, out of your life TODAY. To remember the life of a child who means so much to person that you care about. Today, go and mention your niece, nephew, cousin's daughter's son, or your friend's child's name. Call your friend if you can, or visit them and give them a hug. Take some time out to mention their child's name.

"The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears. If you are really my friend, let me hear the beautiful music of his name. It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul."
Author unknown

Offering Condolences

Many families like to keep notes, cards or letters received from their friends and family as keepsakes to remember their child.

When someone close to us suffers the loss of a child, it can be hard to find the right words to write in a card or letter to offer your condolences. Finding the right words and expressing them with love, care and compassion can help someone heal from the emotional pain the loss of a child brings. Losing a child is different than losing a parent or grandparent. Everyone grieves differently and finding the right words to say can be difficult. You don't want to say something that will cause any extra distress to the family.

To avoid unintentionally hurting someones feelings, don't minimize the loss of their child by using cliches such as; "everything happens for a reason", "God needed another angel", "[child's name] won't suffer anymore" or "time heals all wounds". It is important not to offer advice as to how a family should grieve, especially if you have never personally experienced the loss of a child. In other words, never say "you should do this", "you shouldn't do that", "you can have another baby". Sometimes the simplest sentiment "I'm sorry" or "I don't know what to say" may be enough to show you care.

Send the family a card or letter as soon as you find out about the loss of their child. If you are close to the family it is nice to share and express how much you will miss their child and what they meant to you. If you weren't close to the family, simply acknowledge their loss.

Finding a card specifically for the loss of a child can be difficult. Most newsagents and department stores have a 'sympathy card' range. You can also purchase cards online specific to bereavement online through Zazzle or Carly Marie and Franchesca Cox have a wonderful card range designed specifically for pregnancy, infant loss and infertility. This beautiful and unique collection of cards is named "Lost for words" All cards in the standard 6 x 4 size are $2.98 each.



Below we have shared some words to help you express your feelings with grace and compassion.

'The right words can be so hard to find. Simply know that I'm thinking of you every moment'

'We send you our love and heartfelt prayers that you may find the strength you need to get through each day'

'Please accept my sympathy for the terrible loss of your child.'

'Our Deepest Sympathy'

'Our Heartfelt Condolences'

'Our thoughts and prayers are with you'

'So small, so sweet, so soon'

'[Child's name] will never be forgotten'

'Always in our hearts'

'May you find peace and comfort'

'Sending you our love and deepest sympathy'

'Please be patient with yourself and take all the time you need'

'I would love to know more about your child and I'm here any time you want to talk'

'I'm so sorry for your loss, please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers'

'Even on your darkest days there's an angel beside you to guide you along the way'

'If you need a friend to talk to or just someone to sit with in silence, I am here for you'

If you prefer to write the family a letter, below is an example. This is more specific for a family who have experienced a stillbirth, neonatal loss or infant loss, but can easily be adapted for any bereavement.

Dear _____________,

1. Recognize the loss and mention their child's name

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your precious child__________________.

2. Convey your sympathy

I was heartbroken to hear the news, and I want you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.

3. Recount any special qualities of the child or pregnancy that you can recall

I still remember when you announced your pregnancy and the very first time I felt ________________ kick inside your belly.

4. Point out the strengths of the bereaved

I know that the depth of love that you and your family share for each other and for _____________ will pull you through.

5. Offer specific help

I'd like to help by cooking you a meal on Thursday evening.

6. Conclude your words of condolences letter with an encouraging hope or wish

I wish there was something more I could say or do to take away your suffering, but instead please know that I care for you and I'm here for you. Wishing you hope, light, love and happiness

Your signature

This is merely an example, of what to write in a words of condolences letter. Use it as a guide, but feel free to insert your own thoughts and feelings into your letter. Speak from the heart and you can be sure that your words of condolences will bring comfort to your grieving loved ones.

Alternative ways to offer condolences

• Listen, hold the parents' hands and allow them to cry or talk about their child.
• Give them a hug.
• Have a tree, flower or bush planted in memory of their child.
• Cook a few meals in freezable containers and leave them at their house or arrange a home delivery service from Aussie Farmers Direct or Coles Online.
• Help the family with household chores like shopping, cleaning, washing, lawn mowing, garden maintenance etc
• If the deceased child had siblings, offer to take them out to a movie or to the park. They're grieving too and need attention.
• Offer to help look after siblings whilst the parents can receive some rest, or time away for a coffee or movie together.
• Arrange a family holiday so the family can escape for a few days and privately grieve their loss.

Some Last thoughts

Even though the parents may not recognize it immediately, they will be very thankful for your words of condolence. Remember to always speak of the child by his or her name because it puts a value on the child's life, no matter how long or short it was. Condolences can also be sent or given on the child's birthday and anniversary of death often referred to as 'angelversary'. The parents will be humbled that someone remembered their child and thought of their family on these dates. If the parents have gone on to have more children, that doesn't mean they don't want to talk about or have forgotten about the child who died. Their deceased child will always remain a very important part of their family.

I'm a strong person but...

As we approach Yasminah's 3rd Birthday ~26 March~ I am feeling the weight and pain of her loss but also the beauty and gift of her incredibly brief but precious life. The memories, the joy, the happiness she has brought us and how much her little Gift Of Hope has helped others.

Im a strong person, but I feel the sadness creeping in, as I try to hold everything together in what is going to be a very busy and emotional week ahead. Im eternally thankful for the beautiful people who surround me with their love, friendship and support. Thank you from the bottom of my heart

Thanks for the Inspiration

I get asked all the time, how I can do it? How do I give so much of myself to others and listen to stories of loss. I won't lie, it is often hard to surround myself with constant heartache. Learning that another family have had their hearts broken. Knowing exactly how they are feeling. Your heart feels heavy, you feel lost and out of control. It throws your world into complete chaos and despair. It can take me back to my own pain in an instant. I am right there beside them living the moment their world crashed down around them. I have cried a river of tears with and for many families. I can wear their shoes, I feel their pain, I know what it is like to lose a child or to have a child born premature being kept alive by machines fighting for their life!


But one word always give me encouragement to keep going, to keep giving, to keep fighting for awareness and support.

Thanks

Every now and then I put up 'Inspirational Quotes' on the Facebook page as they bring me comfort and offer hope and inspiration in life. They are a shimmer of light in a dark world.

Mothers Day I received this beautiful email.

Just wanted to say thank you for helping inspire me how to remember our baby we lost through miscarriage today on Mothers Day. You had a lovely quote on your Facebook page a couple of months ago now, and I think at the time that I commented on it saying how it really struck a chord with me. Today I wrote that quote on a piece of paper and we placed a stone inside it and wrapped it with ribbon stood on the beachfront as a family (me, DH and our 2 year old daughter).

It was perfect, with the sun softly twinkling on the water we each held the small parcel, then my husband threw it into the water,right in front of the beachfront spot we often sit and have a picnic lunch. Today as Mothers Day would have been my due date for our 2nd baby, so our little ceremony was very important to me. Just wanted to say thanks again for the inspiration.

The quote was: "The soul would have no rainbow, had the eyes no tears".

Take care, Names removed for privacy

To know that I have helped make a small difference in one family's life, by giving them inspiration to acknowledge and remember their child makes my heart smile. I am truly sorry for your loss send you lots of hope, light, love and happiness for the future.

But I really need to thank you for the inspiration. Every story of loss and heartache I read gives me inspiration to keep going, giving and fighting for awareness and support for a under acknowledged heartache experienced by 1 in 4 families every day. Thank you for sharing your own story of heartache and healing with me. I share my story and my thoughts with you, so you know you are not alone......there is always hope

Quotes

You may notice that I share insipirational quotes or little messages of hope, love and support through our website, facebook page and twitter.

I find comfort in reading these and sometimes a personal connection to the quote or message.

They aren't always about grief or loss, or love and hope. Sometimes they are just little messages of support or inspiration to bring us all back to earth and make us think twice about what we do with each day we are alive.

I have a few personal favourites, too many to list all of them here, but this is a small selection. They may not speak to every one but I believe in them and the power of the positive thinking that comes from reading them.

Everything happens for a reason

"Life: It is about the gift not the package it comes in." Dennis P. Costea, Jr

The best and most beautiful things can not be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. Helen Keller

If there were not hope, the heart would break. Ancrene Wisse

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King Jr

Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person. Mother Teresa

The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears. John Vance Cheney

The best way to cheer yourself up, is to cheer someone else up. Mark Twain

Everyday tell at least one person something you like, admire or appreciate about them. Richard Carlson

We must be the change we wish to see in the world. Mahatma Gandhi

You gotta dance like nobody's watching, dream like you will live forever, live like you're going to die tomorrow and love like it's never going to hurt. Meme Grifsters

When it is dark enough, you can see the stars

I am warmth, I am love, I am a continuous life force, I am energy, I am broken, I sacrifice, I HEAL! Listen to my plea, mend your ways, share your dreams, return the good I share with you all. As I renew, so shall mankind. We are all of the one energy. Connect with me always for my energy is your energy. Together we will heal. Namaste Lin

Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it, you can never get it back. Harvey MacKay

Then of course there is my quote

Sending you Hope, Light, Love, Happiness

Find hope to keep you strong,
Find light to lead the way,
Find love all around you,
Find Happiness one day...

This is a very personal message and is actually about my four children.

Zachariah our eldest child gave us hope. After TTC for so many years, just when we were about to give up on the idea of ever having our own children I fell pregnant with Zach. There was hope! He also kept me strong the days after losing Yasminah. Zach gave me a reason to get up in the morning and keep going when all I really wanted to do was crawl into a corner and die.

Yasminah is our light. Having Yasminah opened our eyes to the world around us. She has filled our lives with light and continues to shine down on us. Yasminah has changed my life incredibly as a person and her mother. She has opened a world I never knew existed and continues to guide me to help others through my own pain.

Then Aisha and Aaliyah gave us love and happiness at a time when we needed it the most. Having our twins, and them surviving after being born so premature gave me incredible hope. They filled and continue to fill my life with complete love and happiness.

So finding hope to keep you strong, is about finding that person who will keep you going, or that special something to keep you strong. There is another saying 'there is always a light at the end of the tunnel' and I have to believe that there is. It may not seem that way in the early days when you are mourning everything you have lost, but it does get easier and you will begin to come out again into the world, into the light. Every one deserves to be loved and I hope that families are surrounded by love through their journey. I hope that everyone find's happiness one day...

A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes. Hugh Downs

What quotes or messages speak to you and give you hope?

Erin Carmody New Vice President YGOH

We are delighted to share that Erin Carmody is the New Vice President of Yasminah's Gift Of Hope Incorporated.

Erin and her husband Michael recently experienced the devastating, neonatal loss of their son Aiden. Erin and myself connected through a mutual friend. I personally offered Erin my support and understanding, as well as a Gift Of Hope. Erin and her family and friends have donated Gifts of Hope in memory of Aiden for other families to receive but she wanted to do more.

This is Aiden's Custom Made Gift Of Hope

Erin knows personally what a difference A Gift Of Hope can make to a family and the support YGOH can provide from one parent to another who knows exactly what they are going through following the premature birth or loss of their child.

Erin graciously accepted the challenging role of Vice President, even after I bombarded her with the responsibilities of the Vice President role and our current projects. Erin has drive and passion, with a kind, caring nature and the commitment required to fulfill this role. She is the perfect addition to our family.

Please welcome Erin to YGOH's family. We will be updating our website to reflect these changes over the coming weeks. Erin will also be adding her own personal touch to our Gift Of Hope and sharing her story of Aiden.

I would like to personally thank her from the bottom of my heart for her passion and commitment to helping provide families with support, understanding and a Gift Of Hope.

Sending you Hope, Light, Love and Happiness

Brand New Donation Boxes

Can you or do you know someone who would like to help by placing one of our new donation boxes in their workplace, business or local school. Every cent counts & you will also help raise awareness & support for YGOH mission of hope for bereaved families.

Please contact me fundraising@ygoh.org.au or comment below. Thankyou for your support