Never give up

Race against the clock. A ticking time bomb waiting to go off. The bomb squad are on standby for full blown war and self destruction at any given point in time. Unstable, unwilling, unmotivated.

I wipe the tears away from my eyes. Emotion washes over my soul, the tears stream down my face. Unable to stop the water escaping from my eyes.

Barely able to keep my eyes open.

Every day is a struggle against the demons inside my head. I constantly have a raging battle against my own mind. Do you have any idea what that is like? I'm thankful if you answered no. I understand if you answered yes.

I can't do this. I'm not strong enough. I'm just so tired. What is the point of all this anyway.

I can tell you all the different ways I've thought about giving up. I could take all those prescription pain killers I still have left over from the day that my daughter died. I could grab some rope from the garage and suspend it from the top of my stairs, I think the drop is high enough. I could always let the grip on the steering wheel slip from my hands, and close my eyes as the car veers into the wall or over the bridge.

It is terrifying when you have thought about all the different ways you could end your life and those thoughts come easily to you. I would never follow through with any of them, but I can't stop those thoughts from still occasionally entering my mind. Occupying that little spot of doubt and lack of self confidence.

I've been working so hard on trying to change my mindset, trying to retrain my brain to think positively. To ignore the voices in my head. The same voices that tell me that I'm responsible for my daughters death. That I shouldn't care about what other people think, but I do.

I am an amazing person. I am blessed. I know love. I have lived. I'm grateful. I'm someone's wife, lover, best friend, sister, daughter, cousin, granddaughter, colleague. I'm a mum.

I inspire people. I never quite understand why.

Retreating and hoping to find some peace....

How do I love thee?

There is something magical about having one person in your life who knows you in more ways than you can possibly even realize. Today is Valentines Day and personally my husband and I don't normally 'mark' the occasion. My husband once said "Every day is Valentines Day with you". Now if you know my husband, you will know that he is a very funny man and will do and say anything to make you smile, laugh and cry uncontrollably.  Although in all honesty he really does mean it. We tell each other we love one another every single day. We also make a point to tell our children just how much they mean to us and smoother them in kisses every chance we get. We don't need one day to declare our love for the people who enrich our lives.

We have been together just over 14 years and experienced many different emotions and life changing events that have made us a stronger couple. I would have never imagined the love I would feel and connection to this man 14 years ago when I first met him at a job interview. We both got hired for the same job and the rest is history! Sure there are times when it isn't all sunshine and roses, but that's why we work so well, because we always remember not to sweat the small stuff and appreciate the beautiful gift of friendship and value the love we share.

I love to write and during our 'courtship' we sent many text messages back and fourth proclaiming our love for each other and basically sharing every detail of our lives when we weren't together! About a week after we started dating I began writing down all the text messages into a little journal. I kept these going for almost an entire year! I still have them today and have been reading through some of them tonight. Some of the things made me laugh, we were so young when we met and head over heels in love. Then there are messages that just melt my heart!

The Wonderful Gift Of You

I love you for so many things -
The joy that being with you brings,
The peace that fills the life we share,
Your patience and your tender care,
The kindness of your gentle heart,
Your faithfulness when were apart,
The goodness of the things you do -
And I thank God for the gift of you!

I love you for so many reasons and everyday I thank God for the wonderful gift of you!
 

 

14 years on and we still feel the same way about each other. My grandmother asked me when we first started dating if I 'liked' him. She said she already knew I loved him but if I didn't like him it wouldn't work. Thank God I like him ;-)

Happy Valentines Day to my gorgeous husband, my wonderful children and all my wonderful, supportive, loving friends and family. xx

 

 

 

Congratulations to the finalists for our Butterfly Garden Ball Giveaway

Congratulations to the finalists for our Butterfly Garden Ball Giveaway

1. Tracey Ann Colley
2. Katie Millard Hairstylist
3. Rebecca Henricksen and her partner Nate Morabito
4. Sharon Borig-Lathlean and partner
5. Jaharri Pitts and Mariah Devontae
6. Chrissy Rickards and partner
7. Kirby Richmond Davis and Glenn Davis
8. Kellie Grainger and Christopher Grainger
9. Rebecca Harrison and partner
10. Claire Elise Griffin and Bob Lloyd
11. Renee Yeardye and James Yeardye
12. Terrilee Zimmehl and partner

The winners will be selected using random.org and announced live on my Facebook Page Hope, Light, Love and Happiness from 9:30pm AEST and full winner details shortly after on a new blog post. 


Thank you to everyone who submitted a nomination and shared your journey or journey of a friend who would like to attend our ball. 

Offering Condolences

Many families like to keep notes, cards or letters received from their friends and family as keepsakes to remember their child.

When someone close to us suffers the loss of a child, it can be hard to find the right words to write in a card or letter to offer your condolences. Finding the right words and expressing them with love, care and compassion can help someone heal from the emotional pain the loss of a child brings. Losing a child is different than losing a parent or grandparent. Everyone grieves differently and finding the right words to say can be difficult. You don't want to say something that will cause any extra distress to the family.

To avoid unintentionally hurting someones feelings, don't minimize the loss of their child by using cliches such as; "everything happens for a reason", "God needed another angel", "[child's name] won't suffer anymore" or "time heals all wounds". It is important not to offer advice as to how a family should grieve, especially if you have never personally experienced the loss of a child. In other words, never say "you should do this", "you shouldn't do that", "you can have another baby". Sometimes the simplest sentiment "I'm sorry" or "I don't know what to say" may be enough to show you care.

Send the family a card or letter as soon as you find out about the loss of their child. If you are close to the family it is nice to share and express how much you will miss their child and what they meant to you. If you weren't close to the family, simply acknowledge their loss.

Finding a card specifically for the loss of a child can be difficult. Most newsagents and department stores have a 'sympathy card' range. You can also purchase cards online specific to bereavement online through Zazzle or Carly Marie and Franchesca Cox have a wonderful card range designed specifically for pregnancy, infant loss and infertility. This beautiful and unique collection of cards is named "Lost for words" All cards in the standard 6 x 4 size are $2.98 each.



Below we have shared some words to help you express your feelings with grace and compassion.

'The right words can be so hard to find. Simply know that I'm thinking of you every moment'

'We send you our love and heartfelt prayers that you may find the strength you need to get through each day'

'Please accept my sympathy for the terrible loss of your child.'

'Our Deepest Sympathy'

'Our Heartfelt Condolences'

'Our thoughts and prayers are with you'

'So small, so sweet, so soon'

'[Child's name] will never be forgotten'

'Always in our hearts'

'May you find peace and comfort'

'Sending you our love and deepest sympathy'

'Please be patient with yourself and take all the time you need'

'I would love to know more about your child and I'm here any time you want to talk'

'I'm so sorry for your loss, please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers'

'Even on your darkest days there's an angel beside you to guide you along the way'

'If you need a friend to talk to or just someone to sit with in silence, I am here for you'

If you prefer to write the family a letter, below is an example. This is more specific for a family who have experienced a stillbirth, neonatal loss or infant loss, but can easily be adapted for any bereavement.

Dear _____________,

1. Recognize the loss and mention their child's name

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your precious child__________________.

2. Convey your sympathy

I was heartbroken to hear the news, and I want you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.

3. Recount any special qualities of the child or pregnancy that you can recall

I still remember when you announced your pregnancy and the very first time I felt ________________ kick inside your belly.

4. Point out the strengths of the bereaved

I know that the depth of love that you and your family share for each other and for _____________ will pull you through.

5. Offer specific help

I'd like to help by cooking you a meal on Thursday evening.

6. Conclude your words of condolences letter with an encouraging hope or wish

I wish there was something more I could say or do to take away your suffering, but instead please know that I care for you and I'm here for you. Wishing you hope, light, love and happiness

Your signature

This is merely an example, of what to write in a words of condolences letter. Use it as a guide, but feel free to insert your own thoughts and feelings into your letter. Speak from the heart and you can be sure that your words of condolences will bring comfort to your grieving loved ones.

Alternative ways to offer condolences

• Listen, hold the parents' hands and allow them to cry or talk about their child.
• Give them a hug.
• Have a tree, flower or bush planted in memory of their child.
• Cook a few meals in freezable containers and leave them at their house or arrange a home delivery service from Aussie Farmers Direct or Coles Online.
• Help the family with household chores like shopping, cleaning, washing, lawn mowing, garden maintenance etc
• If the deceased child had siblings, offer to take them out to a movie or to the park. They're grieving too and need attention.
• Offer to help look after siblings whilst the parents can receive some rest, or time away for a coffee or movie together.
• Arrange a family holiday so the family can escape for a few days and privately grieve their loss.

Some Last thoughts

Even though the parents may not recognize it immediately, they will be very thankful for your words of condolence. Remember to always speak of the child by his or her name because it puts a value on the child's life, no matter how long or short it was. Condolences can also be sent or given on the child's birthday and anniversary of death often referred to as 'angelversary'. The parents will be humbled that someone remembered their child and thought of their family on these dates. If the parents have gone on to have more children, that doesn't mean they don't want to talk about or have forgotten about the child who died. Their deceased child will always remain a very important part of their family.

A love like ours....

We met thirteen years ago and fell in love!

Soulmates...
Two halves of the same soul
joining together in lifes journey

My first glance fell on your heart

This day eleven years ago I married my best friend.
The one I laugh with,
Live for,
Dream with,
Love,

Always and Forever.

To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides

If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile,
the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand.

Happy Anniversary to my darling husband Mohammed. It has been an incredible eleven years and the best is still to come.

Lots of Love Always your Angelface x x

Guest Post ~ Children Having Infant Limb Deficiency ~ CHILD ~ Katherine Moffett

This is my very first guest blog, of what I hope will be many more. My dear friend Katherine Moffett. I will always remember when we first found each other online, I was about 25 weeks pregnant with Yasminah. It was so wonderful to find someone who also had a child with a congenital limb difference. It gave me hope that everything would be OK and it didn't matter that Yasminah had a limb difference, she would still be able to do amazing things and would always have the support and strength of her family and friends. I still remember when I had to tell Kath she had passed away :( It was heartbreaking as she had offered to pass along some of Sienna's clothes. I knew even before I had Yasminah that I wanted to help other families in some way. Katherine was the person that helped me get all the paperwork and charity started as she had only recently done it for CHILD. Thank you Kath for being the most amazing, supportive friend a girl could ever hope for. I will continue to help with CHILD wherever I can as it will always have a place close to my heart and all the amazing friendships with the many different CHILD families I have made along the way. Don't forget that you are amazing and the person who inspired me to start something in Yasminah's memory, for that I will always be grateful ♥ Bec x x


This was Katherine's post on our Facebook page last week

Katherine

I was sitting here thinking about the past three and a half years for me. All the amazing people who have touched my life thus far. Rebecca and I met after she found out about Yasminah's differences as I run Children Having Infant Limb Deficiency - CHILD. We spoke here and there, I would try and shed light on the situation because I don't like parents thinking their alone when something like this i...s diagnosed. I remember when I found out about Yasminahs passing. I was sitting in my loungeroom in Prestons, Sydney. And I read a message Rebecca had sent me. I started to cry. She was the first little baby Id had the honour of being involved with who had lost her life. So when time went on and Rebecca said she wanted to start Yasminahs Gift of Hope, I was more than happy to help with whatever I could and I'm sure you remember Rebecca, the paperwork was a nightmere LOL....But Id just like to express my absolute love and admiration for one of my closest friends Rebecca Aziz. I have the utmost respect for her and all the work she puts in. Literally! Blood sweat and tears!! She is why I still do what I do, she is my inspiration. When my ex husband left me because we had a child born with disabilities it was my friends who picked me up and who encouraged me. In the last week alone, Rebecca has helped me so much, twitter, the blog, I just cant express how important you are to all of us Bec and I pray that a big tycoon with millions of dollars comes up and says "Here love, $1,000,000 to make a difference"! Love you xxx

Pregnancy can best be described as riding a very intense rollercoaster of emotions. Some days your up, others your way down. Other times you feel like your going around in circles and the weeks and months will never end.

But once labour is over, or the caesarean section is complete and your holding your newborn for the very first time, touching her soft skin, adoring her face, it all seems worth it. Picturesque isn’t it? Sounds perfect. Well the fact of the matter is, it’s not always like this.

This is her story, it is one of extreme lows, mounting highs and all the in-between.

Siennas pregnancy seemed normal. Besides some crazy dreams about her being born with dwarfism, a reoccurring dream I had at least five times and some bouts of anxiety my pregnancy was what I would call perfect.

Ultrasounds out of the way, we were told the baby was healthy, ten fingers, ten toes, I was content and anxious to meet my little bundle. When she was born though she was whisked away to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit of the Hospital. I saw her for one minute after she was born and she was tightly wrapped, so tight in fact I could not unwrap her blankets and any attempts to do so were squashed.

Three hours after her birth, the news was broken to me that my perfect little girl, with ten fingers, ten toes and a button nose, wasn’t in fact what I'd expected. I was confronted with a very little baby, her arms were significantly different lengths, her shoulder on the right was smaller than the left, her right elbow was fused and could not be bend and the biggest shock of all, she had no thumbs. Eight little fingers is all she had. She had major upper limb issues, a heart condition and scoliosis of the hips.
The weeks and months that followed were tough, trying to adjust to life with a child with such different needs to what I would have called back then a normal baby.

My marriage broke down. The stress was all too much and I found myself attending the hospital appointments alone, dragging a three year old with one hand while trying to push a pram with the other.

Over the past three and a half years, I’ve tried to make Siennas life as normal as possible. She never misses out. She is always involved. Never left behind is my family motto. We have all pitched in to make sure my children’s lives are as unaffected by all of this as possible.

But what do you do when a child, who is around seven years old, decides to point out that he thinks your pride and joy, your little princess, is a “freak” and is “scary”. How would you deal with this? It’s so easy to dish out advice to other parents about how to handle things like this but when it actually happens to you, it hits you like a ton of bricks.

My answer, educate the community. Teach your child that staring at someone who has a disability, or any difference is not polite. Calling someone a freak, scary, ugly, fat, four eyes, none of it is right. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I’m telling you words do hurt. How can I protect my daughter from the big bad world when all I want to do is hide her away and protect her? I’m asking parents all over the world, to do what’s right and educate your children. Teach them what is right from wrong. My daughter didn’t ask for this. She didn’t ask to be born like this. Lately she has been asking me why she can't have ten fingers like mummy. And also why she has to keep going back to the hospital.

I am now the sole parent to three amazing children. All of whom adore and love each other unconditionally. They are all protective and respectful of each other.
Please, help me make the world an easier place for children like my daughter to feel safe and not judged because of their physical appearance. Bullying is wrong! Teasing is wrong! Poking, prodding and pushing are wrong whether the person is disabled or not!

I'm doing my best to educate the world. I started a charity in 2009 called CHILD. Children Having Infant Limb Deficiency. To date I have made contact with over 500 families from all over the world whose child has either been born with a limb difference or has an acquired limb difference (amputee). Our children are all amazing human beings. And I am trying to help them get the confidence they need to face the world loud and proud!


I’m normally a very calm and placid woman but I need to stand up and fight for the rights of my daughter now and those of other children with any type of disability. Bullying is wrong; educate yourselves and your loved ones. Bullying is ignorance and I for one will not tolerate it anymore.

Katherine Moffett

To learn more about CHILD and support Katherine's work please visit www.childorg.net.au and follow them on Facebook

The Power of Love

There are days when it can all get too much.

Days you just want to throw your hands up in the air!

But a great BIG squishy hug! (excuse the picture quality)



 

A cheeky grin from the ones you ~ LOVE ~

 

Can be all you need to make it through the day

 

~ That is the Power of Love ~

Intrinsic - Adele Basheer

We are always appealing to businesses in the community to ask for their support and to help us provide families with a Gift Of Hope. We have an amazing team of volunteers who are a valuable contribution to YGOH and help us spread awareness and build support for our organisation.

Recently one of our volunteers Kylie, who has previously been successful in gaining support and donations of supplies for our journals, received the most heart warming gift to help us on our journey.

Some of you 'scrappers' may be aware of Adele Basheer and her inspiring line of stationary and scrapbook supplies. We were extrememly grateful for their generosity. We received 5 packs of 4 different designs of 12 x 12 Scrapbook paper that we use to decorate our Journals. Along with 5 different packs of stips with inspiring messages and words. Adele and the team and intrinsic were also very thoughtful by including 11 cards from their range.

Also included was a lovely card, personally written to the team at YGOH with this small inspirational quote. And you all know how much I LOVE quotes!

Dear Kylie and all Yasminah's Gift Of Love,

We admire and congratulate you on the beautiful work and support network you offer to others. Your website and Facebook page clearly displays that you are there for those in need and certainly generates a warm feeling and supports what you offer...Hope, Love, Light and Happiness.
We're thrilled that you have taken the time to reach out to us for help and are very pleased to enclose scrapbooking papers to use on your wonderful books.
At intrinsic we all share a common thread to make a difference in people's lives...to give...to help them learn and grow. Our Website intrinsiconline.com .....is one way of making a deeper connection, with Adele and many others offering their words of wisdom and hope. Of course our gorgeous freebies are very welcomed each month too, so please keep in touch!
With love and light, Trish, Adele, Jamie and all the team

For me personally this was a truly touching gift as my children's journals are from the intrinsic range. Including Yasminah's pregnancy journal.

My husband purchased these journals for me when we finally fell pregnant with our first child on the 25th October 2006 after a long battle trying to conceive. The idea was that I would use one journal for each tri-mester of my pregnancy. But I only managed to fill one journal; Cherish, with my journey through my first pregnancy. We then decided that we would keep the other journals and I would use them for future pregnancies. Not knowing then just how important Yasminah's pregnancy journal would become. I love how pretty these journals are and how they inspired me to write. Inside the journal Adele writes :

A journal should be written on pages within a cover that inspires your soul.It should be beautiful to you because your life contains beauty. It should feel precious to you because your life is precious. Your journal will become a friend for life and within its pages you will find greater insight, awareness and wisdom to encourage you on your lifes path Love Adele

I would personally like to thank Adele, Trish, Jamie and the team at Intrinsic on behalf of Yasminah's Gift Of Hope, for all their support and generosity. We have distributed your lovely donations to our volunteers to help them, help us decorate our Gift Of Hope Journals.

Journals For June

Journals For June
Yasminah's Gift Of Hope Journals are donated to Maternity and NICU wards in public and private hospitals around Australia for families who experience miscarriage, premature birth, neonatal loss, stillbirth, infant loss or the diagnosis of a congenital abnormality during pregnancy. On average every hospital we support around Australia needs 30 journals a month.

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO HELP?

Either donate a journal or donate $1 for YGOH to purchase a journal in June

*Journals can be blank or lined inside, spiral or case bound
*You can donate a journal you decorate OR send them to us plain and we will decorate them ready to donate to the hospitals

Yasminah's Gift Of Hope is endorsed by the Australian Tax Office as a Tax Deductible Gift Recipient. All donations over $2 are tax deductible.

Donations can be made by Visa, Mastercard, Bpay or Australia Post Billpay through the Everyday Hero website http://www.everydayhero.com.au/charity/view?charity=1382-

OR by Direct Bank Deposit
Yasminahs Gift Of Hope
BSB: 012556 Account Number: 905083525
Please ensure you send an email to fundraising@ygoh.org.au with your name, address and contact phone number so we can issue you with a tax receipt if donating by Direct Bank Deposit

Journals can be donated in memory of a child/ren. We place our very special Donated in Memory of Stickers to the back of each journal so the family who receive them know they are not alone. When sending the journal/s please ensure you include a note with the name/s and/or DOB of the child/ren you would like the journal donated on behalf of.

All journals can be posted to
Yasminahs Gift Of Hope
PO Box 17,
Merrylands,
NSW 2160

We would appreciate you sharing this event with your blogger friends

With Hope, Light, Love and Happiness

Bec, Erin & YGOH Team

~Yasminah Ann 26.03.09~ ♥ ~Aiden Gary 21.12.10-22.12.10~

http://www.ygoh.org.au/

Gift Of Hope for Amelia Grace

A Gift Of Hope for Linda and Raymond

Amelia Grace McGowen was born the 14th August 2010

Sadly Amelia lost her fight for life on the 21st November 2010

As I write this Linda is currently 22 weeks pregnant with her Rainbow Baby a little boy Stig McGowen Due the 2nd October 2011

Wishing Linda and Raymond Hope, Light, Love and Happiness

Gift Of Hope for Princess Lilli

A Gift Of Hope for Rachael and her family

On the 15th June 2008, the Blaxell family were blessed with the birth of their sweet little girl Lilli Eileen Blaxell weighing 6 pds 11oz

Sadly on the 21st November 2008 Rachael awoke to find her daughter Lilli face down in her cot. After 2 autopsy reports it showed that Lilli was a perfectly healthy baby and her death was attributed to SIDS Sudden Infant Death Syndrome

Rachael honours her daughters memory by raising funds for SIDS and Kids
You can support her efforts by visiting
http://www.facebook.com/sids.kids.princess.lilli

Wishing the Blaxell family Hope, Light, Love and Happiness

We are Angel Mums

We Are Angel Mums

We have share our tears and our sorrow,

We have given encouragement to each other,

given hope for a brighter tomorrow,

We share the title of Grieving Mother,

Some of us lost older daughters or sons,

Who we watched grow over the years,

Some have lost their babies before theirl lives begun,

But no matter the age, we cry the same tears.

We understand each others pain,

The bond we share is very strong,

With each other there is no need to explain,

The path we walk is hard and long.

Our children brought us together,

They didn't want us on this journey alone,

They knew we needed each other,

To survive the pain of them being gone.

So take my hand my friend,

We may stumble and fall along the way,

But we'll get up and try again,

Because together we can make it day by day.

We can give each other hope,

We'll create a place where we belong,

Together we will find ways to cope,

Because we are Angel Mums and together we are strong!

Judi Walker

This poem is in every Gift Of Hope

Sending special thoughts today to women all around the globe. Wishing you all a gentle, loving, peaceful Mothers Day
To the mums who hold their babies in their hearts I share your tears
To mums with precious babies in your womb or in your arms Happy Mothers Day
Special thoughts are also with children missing their mums in heaven and on Earth

Have a fun day!

This post is inspired by Jessica over at Four Plus An Angel. Last week her blog was "Did I say that?" which inspired me to think about the things my 3 year old son says to me.


These are a few of the lines my son has recently come out with


I can't want it

Come on mum!

Mum I'm stuck

That's disgusting

Be Quiet

I love you first and more

I'm so proud of you mum. You are very special - followed by a great big squeezy hug


and one that is used everyday by my family and friends, started by my son - who continually gives me hope and makes me the person I am today


Have a fun day! - such wonderful wisdom from a 3 year old :)



What are some of the favourite things your children say to you?

Gift Of Hope for Joshua Hancock

A Gift Of Hope for Joshua Hancock

Joshua was born premature

Sending the Hancock family

Hope, Light, Love and Happiness

A Gift Of Hope for Riley James and Marley James

A Gift of Hope for Melissa and her family

Melissa's twins Riley James Lane and Marley James Lane were born at 23 weeks gestation on the 28th October 2009

Riley James was born first at 10pm weighing 680g and sadly passed away 1 hour and 55 minutes later at 11:55pm in his parents arms

Marley James was born 8 minutes after his big brother at 10:08pm weighing 550g. Marley fought long and hard but sadly joined his brother and passed away on the 27th November at 7:25pm

Sending Melissa and her family

Hope, Light, Love and Happiness

Melissa is holding a fundraiser for Yasminah's Gift Of Hope next Wednesday on Wear Green For Premature Babies and Children's Day for L'il Aussie Prems an organisation very close to our hearts who personally supported me during the premature birth of my twins who we are now proud to work in conjunction with supporting Premature Babies and their families

True Feelings

I sit here at the computer with thousands of thoughts running through my head. 'It' is almost here.....Yasminah's 2nd birthday. I have knots in my stomach and tears welling in my eyes as I try to type. I constantly debate if I should be so open about how I am really feeling.......but decide I can't keep this bottled up anymore and if I share a bit about my journey it may help another family who are going through the same heartache.

So today I am going to bear my whole heart for the world to see, to get a glimpse into life after the loss of my child. My second child, my first daughter Yasminah Ann Aziz. I think to myself that I shouldn't even know what this feels like, no one should. I should have my daughter here with me and my family. The question will always remain, why did this happen to us? I miss her so much. I would give anything to be able to hold her in my arms one more time, to kiss her sweet cheeks and cute button nose, brush her thick curly black locks of hair, to hold her little hand and caress her perfect feet. To whisper in her ear "I love you".

Yasminah was perfect to me, a special little girl to love and care for. She was born with a congenital limb difference. Yasminah had no right hand and 3 fingers on her left hand. Yes it would have been challenging at times but it doesn't mean we loved her any less or that we should be made to feel as though 'it was for the best'. Our daughter died, but she lived within me for almost 9 months. In those 9 months I watched as my belly grew, I felt the first flutters, which turned into strong kicks and waves of movement. We heard her heart beat during our ultrasounds and at each antenatal checkup. We watched in amazement as she grew and developed into the beautiful angel that was silently born late Thursday morning on the 26th March 2009 at 37 weeks and 4 days gestation only a few days from her planned delivery.

Yasminah suddenly passed away in utero on the 24th March and I was induced into labour the following day. I am often asked if I went through labour, and yes I did just like any other mum does to deliver their child. My husband held my hand and brought me ice cubes as I felt each contraction come and go. I was urged by my midwife to push when the time came and had my daughter placed on my chest skin to skin, then my husband cut her umbilical cord. She was still warm, and covered in vernix. We were scared but excited about finally meeting our baby for the first time. We never heard her cry, saw her open her eyes or got to change her nappy. We did get to spend several hours with her watching her get weighed and measured. We gave her a bath, before dressing her and wrapping her up to keep her warm just like any newborn baby. We didn't think it was a good idea at the time to bring our son who was only 20 months old to meet his sister, but wish I had thought differently about it and had at least one photo of my children together. My husband and I posed for a family photo and individual photos holding Yasminah. The time then came to say our final goodbyes. I wish at the time those close to us meet our little girl, but for one reason or another they didn't want to. We may have more photos today, more memories to share with others and with them. I understand they were scared, but their actions deeply hurt me and make it hard to talk about her with them today.

Moving on almost 2 years later and we have been blessed with our twin girls Aisha and Aaliyah. It was incredibly difficult being pregnant so soon after the loss of Yasminah but it was the best thing for me and I truly believe if I hadn't fallen pregnant so quickly I would of been too scared to try to have another child. Our 2nd and 3rd daughters had a rough start to life born 8+2 weeks premature, and endured 4 weeks through the roller coaster ride of the NICU. Thankfully they are here with us today and I couldn't imagine life without them. Having my daughters has helped me to heal and brought joy back into my life. I don't think I would be where I am today if I didn't have them and my son as part of my life.

My husband needs to be mentioned, he is an amazing man. Strong, loving, honest, wise and kind. A tower of strength and always able to make me laugh, even during my darkest moments. We have shared many moments together over the past 12 years and I love him just as much as today as I did 12 years ago. I thank him for his support and understanding, especially when so much of my time is spent away from him during the weeknights and over the weekends as I continue to develop Yasminah's Gift Of Hope. It isn't always easy, but we get through it.

I often find myself wondering what life would be like if Yasminah was still here with us. What would Yasminah look like now? What colour were her eyes, mixed shades of brown and green like her dad and big brother, deep brown like me or piercing blue like her sisters? Would she like reading books or prefer to play with dolls? Would she be using a prosthetic hand like we had talked about with the limb clinic, or be fiercely independent like her younger sisters?

Saturday is her 2nd birthday or angelversary. As a part of the charity set up in her honour we are releasing butterflies in memory of Yasminah and all the precious children and the families we support. It has been raining for the last few days and is scheduled to rain on the weekend too. We hope the weather holds off so we can enjoy the day, so her brother and sisters can play at the park. It has been hard to do and I wonder if people will remember her birthday or show up on the day. Does she matter to them? I remember her first birthday a few beautiful friends sent me cards and one friend in particular gave me a beautiful gold star pendant that we engraved her initial and dob on. I wear it everyday as a symbol of my shining star. It was so nice to know that she has touched so many peoples lives. There have been some really beautiful people show their love and support this year by donating things for the Butterfly Release like Denni from PurpleX Design and Print who has designed an amazing canvas signature board for people to sign on the day that we can take home to remember her birthday. Michelle from Goodie Bag Exchange another fabulous business on Facebook has organised for everyone attending the day to receive a little bag filled with goodies donated by other Facebook businesses. Fiona from Eaton Photography has offered to capture the day and will put together a special memorial keepsake of all the photos available for $10, with all proceeds going to Yasminah's Gift Of Hope. I am truly thankful for the countless people the loss of my daughter has brought into my life. There are so many people who have shown their love and cried with me. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

I hope that I am not an emotional mess on the day and that I can enjoy it remembering the love we have for our daughter and we can celebrate her life instead of mourning her loss.

Gift Of Hope for Danielle

A Gift Of Hope for Danielle's family

Danielle was born a few weeks ago with a terminal brain tumor.

I personally received a request late Tuesday afternoon for a Gift Of Hope to be sent directly to this family, so they can have all the love and support they need around them, as well as a chance to record some beautiful memories and create keepsakes of their time together.

Sending the family

Hope, Light, Love and Happiness

Know that you are not alone, there are many people who sympathise so deeply with you.
We hope your Gift Of Hope will provide you with some comfort during this time.

With Love YGOH

Gift Of Hope for Alexzander McConville

A Gift Of Hope for Melinda, Pat and Edward McConville with love from your friends the Smyths

Alexzander McConville was born premature at 29 weeks gestation on the 4th June 2010, weighing 1.1kg and 38cm long. Alexzander and another Gift Of Hope recipient Jacinda Smyth were neighbours for 86 days in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). They fought NEC and CMV together and multiple infections. Sadly Alexzander passed away on the 30th September 2010 after 119 days of courageous fighting

Sending Melinda, Pat and Edward

Hope, Light, Love and Happiness

Melinda, Pat and Edward you were a huge part of the Jacinda and the Smyths life during their hospital stay and you will never be forgotten

Gift Of Hope for Jade Harmony Pedley

A Gift Of Hope for Jaala and David Pedley with love from your friend Despina

Jade Harmony Pedley was born on the 1st February 2011, several weeks premature 1 day after the devastating Queensland Floods

Sending Jaala and David

Hope, Light, Love and Happiness

and Strength to get through the journey of NICU

Gift Of Hope for Marlon Kevin Boi

A Gift Of Hope for Courtney, Thierry and Big Brother Keenan

Marlon Kevin Boi was born at 24 weeks and 4 days

on the 24th January 2011, weighing 828grams

Sending Courtney, Thierry and Keenan

Hope, Light, Love and Happiness

as well as strength to get through the journey of the NICU