Best Before

Today grief pulled me back into the depths of sadness and reality that my daughter died.

Doing the mundane task of groceries, one by one I checked off the items on my shopping list. As I walked through the meat department I searched for the Kangaroo Sausages my son loves! Kanga Banga's! Quite a funny name, but a huge hit in our family with mashed sweet potatoes. I don't know about you, but when I'm shopping I always check the back of the shelves for the freshest produce or the furthest best before date. Reaching to the back for the freshest Kanga Banga's and the date took me by surprise.

Best Before 26.03.2013

It stopped me in my tracks. It's not like it's the first time I've seen her date of birth on something, especially on something trivial like food packaging. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes.

12 reasons to smile

January - Zach starts Kindergarten!
February - My husband opens his Dojo
March - Yasminah's 4th Birthday, My 12 year Wedding Anniversary, The Jackson's Concert!
April - End of my 12WBT
May - Mother's Day
June - Journals For June
July - Zach turns 6
August - Pink Concert!
September - Time with my family
October - Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month
November - World Prematurity Month
December - Aisha and Aaliyah turn 4

HALEY BRACKEN BECOMES AMBASSADOR FOR YASMINAH’S GIFT OF HOPE

Yasminah’s Gift of Hope will celebrate its second birthday as a registered charity today 26th May. The charity was founded to support families who experience the miscarriage, premature birth, neonatal loss, stillbirth or infant loss of their child or diagnosis of a congenital abnormality during pregnancy. One in four pregnancies ends in loss and premature birth is the leading cause of new-born deaths. In the two years since it was founded the charity has provided over 6000 Gifts Of Hope to families and many more with support.

We are very excited that Haley Bracken has accepted the role of Ambassador for Yasminah’s Gift of Hope. Haley has experienced premature birth and knows the struggle that parents go through at that time. With her help and her passion for the cause, we can reach many more families who would otherwise have to suffer through this difficult time with little or no support.

As the mother of Yasminah who was stillborn and of twins who were born prematurely, my experiences have made me realise how important it is to have something by which to remember each child and their special birth journey. The tragedy is that some families have nothing: no photos, no record, nothing to hold.

Yasminah's Gift of Hope Journals allows families to keep ultrasound images, photos, cot cards, arm bands, and foot and hand prints as a cherished keepsake of a precious life. The journals are donated to hospitals, neonatal intensive care wards and to families struggling with loss or the worry of premature births.

 

As Ambassador, Haley Bracken will help promote awareness of the high rate of premature and stillbirths in this country and the ongoing support and understanding available from Yasminah's Gift of Hope. 44,000 babies are admitted to neonatal and special care units across Australia each year. That is an incredible amount of families we need to reach. We will hold our first Fundraising Ball on August 11th with Haley Bracken as MC and Ambassador, to raise funds and help us achieve our goals.

Yasminah’s Gift of Hope has achieved a lot in two short years and with Haley Bracken as Ambassador, we intend to achieve a lot more.

 

Anniversaries remind us to count our blessings. I would like to personally thank all of our amazing, dedicated and passionate volunteers who pour their hearts and souls into providing Gifts Of Hope to families and continueing Yasminah's memory. Thank you seems so small compared to all you've done, but know that your kindness and support doesn't go unnoticed. It is appreciated by families who receive a Gift Of Hope and support when needed most.
 

In memory of ~ Triton ~

Yesterday was busy. Another crazy, busy day.

This morning after my children went off with their dad to preschool, I made myself breakfast and sat down to enjoy a hot cup of tea, warm toast and catch up on a little bit of television. At the same time I log on my phone to facebook to see what has been happening overnight.

Yesterday a lovely person whom I have come to admire, shared Yasminah's Gift Of Hope with the world. Upon reading the post I was brought to tears. I literally sat there and cried. Not because of sadness but because someone whom I hardly know took a moment from her day to say my daughter's name and share with the world what we do at Yasminah's Gift Of Hope. I felt proud. I missed Yasminah. I cried. I have poured my heart and soul into the website, and majority of it I have written myself, from what I wanted when I lost Yasminah. Things I hoped would help another during their times of grief. Someone thought that my story was worth sharing. My daughter was worth remembering.

I wanted to write her a long message, thanking her, telling her how much it meant to me. I'm sure she already knew, but I wanted her to know.

But then the doorbell sang and I closed my laptop.

As I opened the door, it was my friend. She had left her family to come and help me today with Yasminah's Gift Of Hope Auction. My friend knew that Yasminah's Gift Of Hope had been mentioned as one of the 10 websites Baby Loss Parents should visit for grief support and healing. She understood as I wiped away my tears. Knowing I just seen the post.

I really wanted to reply.

I wanted to send Devan a message.

I did, but I should of said more.

I went about the rest of my day.

Later that evening when all the children were tucked up in bed and I had finished cleaning up the kitchen. Wiping down the girls high chairs. I sat down and wrote her another brief message, thanking Devan for her support and I mentioned her son's name. Triton.

Triton was born sleeping 4 years ago on the 24th April.

What a special little soul. A child who was loved, wanted and is missed beyond words.

Struggling to keep my eyes open. There was still so much more I could do. However being sick for the last couple of weeks, I knew I should get some rest. I went to bed at 1:30am.

Then back to this morning. Reading. I read the most heartbreaking post, screaming for support, that literally made my chest hurt, my heart ache. And I felt awful that on a day when I should of stopped and took some time to see how my friend was doing. I didn't.

We all want to share our children's life. We want to scream that they were born, they are still a part of our family. Yesterday some comments were left on Devan's post, not remembering her son's Triston's life, but suggesting 'other' places that she 'should' of shared. If those people had took the time to read the post correctly - they would of read that Devan was sharing websites that had helped her during her grief. We all know there are thousands of sites out there offering support, but on this day, Devan wanted to share what had helped her the most.

So now I'm crying again. Because I know the pain that Devan is feeling. I have recently felt like this. After everything that I have created and done in my daughter's memory, I still feel alone. Very alone. Grief is so lonely. You want to connect to others who understand your pain, your suffering, the ache deep in your heart to hold the child that once grew inside of your body. The child that you nurtured, you loved, you adored. The hopes and dreams that you had for that child. But instead you are alone. You can't hold that child. You are left wondering what they would be like today. What they would look like. You are left wondering if you are the only one who remembers, and understands that today is their birth day.

My point in my writing this is, is tell you to STOP. Take a moment out of your day, out of your life TODAY. To remember the life of a child who means so much to person that you care about. Today, go and mention your niece, nephew, cousin's daughter's son, or your friend's child's name. Call your friend if you can, or visit them and give them a hug. Take some time out to mention their child's name.

"The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears. If you are really my friend, let me hear the beautiful music of his name. It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul."
Author unknown

Winner of Yasminah's 3rd Birthday Memorial March

We would like to thank everyone who took part in the Yasminah's 3rd Birthday Memorial March, both as a supporting page or as a participant. Your support towards Yasminah's Gift Of Hope is greatly appreciated and allows us to continue the work we do to support families in their time of need.

We hope that you learnt some valuable information about Yasminah's Gift Of Hope and also more information about pregnancy and infant loss, congenital abnormalities and premature birth.
Please remember Yasminah's legacy and continue to share our page and the work we do with your family and friends and help break the silence.

And the very lucky winner is.......Kristy Bates!!!!!

You have won the following:
1 Gorgeously Delicious Kiki Doll as per picture from MISS KIKI of Cherry Blossom Lane
1 $20 voucher to Something Old Now Something New
1 Handmade chain wirework glass acrylic necklace, made from metal, acrylic and mixed glass from Liz Green ~ Handmade Arts Designer1 Hope Bookmark from Babys First Bracelet
1 Basic Name Print from Needeep In Design
1 $20 Voucher from Liddle Pea
1 $10 Voucher from Loganbeary Designs
1 $10 Voucher from Wrap It with Peta
1 $20 Voucher from Moments Invitations and Hire
Our Little Miracle Book from Children Having Infant Limb Deficiency
1 $10 voucher from Always and Forever Handmade Cards
1 Hot pack and cold pack from  Pumpkin's Projects!
1 Hanger from Angels from The Heart
1 $20 voucher from Evangeline's Place


**Please note: The winner will be required to pay postage on certain items.

Please contact Sarah via email sarah@ygoh.org.au to arrange delivery and postage of your goodies.

 

Yasminah's 3rd Birthday Memorial March

On Monday 26 March 2012, Yasminah should be turning 3. Her family should be celebrating the life she had lived. Instead, they will be reflecting on the impact she has had on so many people’s lives.

On 26 March, we will be holding the inaugural Yasminah’s 3^rd Birthday Memorial March. The concept is simple, we want to raise awareness about pregnancy and infant loss, stillbirth, congenital abnormalities and premature birth. In Yasminah’s memory, we will work to educate more people about the heart ache that so many families across the world suffer.

Through the March, we will attempt to show people some of the pages who support the work that Yasminah’s Gift of Hope does, make them aware of why we do the work we do, and hope that they will in turn, share this information with their friends and family.

If it was up to us, Yasminah’s Gift of Hope wouldn’t exist. We wouldn’t be doing the work that we do. But while families suffer through the loss of their child, struggle through the diagnosis of a congenital abnormality, or ride the rollercoaster of the NICU after premature birth, we will work to break the silence, raise awareness and provide support so no family has to go through it alone.

Each year in Australia approximately 58,000 couples experience reproductive loss:
About 55,000 experience early pregnancy loss, 1,750 babies are stillborn and about 900 babies die in the first twenty-eight days after birth – how are you going to make a difference?

Here is a complete run down of the details:

Start Date and Time - 10am AEST Monday 26 March 2012
End Date and Time - 10am AEST Thursday 29 March 2012

To complete the March:
1. You must be a liker of Yasminah's Gift of Hope.
2. You need to go to the Yasminah's Gift of Hope Facebook page and go to the 'Yasminah's 3rd Birthday Memorial March Album'.
3. From the album, you need to visit each participating business in turn and 'like' their page.
4. Marchers will need to like the status about Yasminah as they visit each page.
5. Marchers must then search through the albums on each page to find the picture with a statistic or information about Yasminah on it.
7. You need to "collect" each of these statistics and enter them into the following link - https://promotion.binkd.com/Enter.aspx?id=2993
8. Once you have visited each page and liked all the statuses, you can submit your answers.
9. Whoever collects all the statistics and submits them in the required time (before 10am Thursday) will then be in the running to win the big prize. The big prize will be chosen through random.org. Everyone will be assigned a number based on when we receive their submission and this number will then decide the winner.
10. When you have completed Yasminah's 3rd Birthday Memorial March, please share this status "Today I am celebrating the life of Yasminah with Yasminah's Gift Of Hope. Will you help to break the silence? Visit Yasminah's Gift of Hope to find out how" tagging 'Yasminah's Gift Of Hope' Facebook Page.

Happy 3rd Birthday to our Precious Butterfly

I'm overwhelmed by everyone's love, support, emails and messages today. I'm blessed to have amazing and supportive friends who understand the need to share my daughter's life and choose to help and support me share Yasminah's legacy.

I was brought to tears this morning. My husband asked if I had checked Facebook when I woke up, but amidst the normal morning madness getting our son ready for preschool and the girls breakfast I hadn't yet checked. When I logged onto Facebook there were already messages of support on my page and a sea of pink butterflies as people's profile pictures. Something the girls who volunteer for Yasminah's Gift Of Hope had organised as a surprise.

3 Butterflies for Yasminah's 3rd Birthday

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for thinking of us and remembering our baby girl today on what would of been her 3rd birthday.

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ Happy Birthday to our beautiful little girl Yasminah Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ 

We love and miss you beyond words and know one day we will meet again in heaven.

Fly free our precious butterfly

Lots of Love Mummy, Daddy, Zach, Aisha and Aaliyah x x x x x X

Another angel mummy friend left this poem on my page today and I would like to share it with you.

God planned a special day for me
He told me with a wink
He ordered me a special cake
(Its angel food, i think)

I'm getting lots of hugs from god
He's really good at that
And everytime i walk by
He gives my head a pat

Balloons will fill the streets for me
They float up through the clouds
And we have lots of clowns up here
They make us laugh out loud

There is a birthday carousel
Jewelled horses ride the wind
With music playing oh so sweet...
The magic never ends

Ive made so many friends you see
We laugh and play and sing
We ride our bikes and play jump rope
And sleep in Angel's wings

We'll have our cake and ice-cream
And open gifts, surprise
But we don't blow out our candles here
Instead they light the skies ♥ ♥

I'm also sending my love, thoughts and prayers to a dear friend from highschool. Tanya experienced the loss of her daughter Makayla on the 28th of March but 6 years earlier. Tanya helped me get through those early days of grief, often stayed up late talking online, we shared our photos, our memories, our pain and grief. Thank you Tanya for your friendship, support and understanding. Happy 9th Birthday to your beautiful angel Makayla. This poem is dedicated to 'Our Angels' x x

I'm a strong person but...

As we approach Yasminah's 3rd Birthday ~26 March~ I am feeling the weight and pain of her loss but also the beauty and gift of her incredibly brief but precious life. The memories, the joy, the happiness she has brought us and how much her little Gift Of Hope has helped others.

Im a strong person, but I feel the sadness creeping in, as I try to hold everything together in what is going to be a very busy and emotional week ahead. Im eternally thankful for the beautiful people who surround me with their love, friendship and support. Thank you from the bottom of my heart

No one knows.......

No one really knows exactly how I truly feel. How much I still miss you and ache from your absence in our family. There are simply no amount of words, or the 'right' words I can express to say how I truly feel, not even to those closest to me. I think about you every day, I still cry tears out of happiness of how much I love you and how blessed I am to be your mummy. You have changed me incredibly. My beautiful, beautiful little girl you are a true gift.

Tears stream down my face. I don't know if I will publish this post, but it's here to help me when and If I decide to. I wonder if anyone will mention your name, if your sweet name will pass through people's lips, if you will be thought of on your birthday. I just miss you so much. I am so grateful to have your baby sisters and older brother to love, care and cherish each day. At the same time I feel your absence and wonder about what you would be like.

I was asked recently 'Are you OK now?' by a newly bereaved family. The questioned stumped me as I wanted to answer and say yes, I am OK, but I was honest. It gets easier.....sometimes and other times I think it gets harder. Milestones, anniversaries, birthday's, holidays, at each moment in time you wish they were there a part of your life. There are days when it can be like yesterday that I held Yasminah in my arms and all the pain and heartache resurfaces like an old wound aching in the winter.

But there is also hope, hope that a new child can bring. I briefly shared my story of our rainbow girls and how they have helped bring joy and happiness back into our lives. The tears ease as the days pass. You slowly venture back out into the world of doing the mundane tasks like cleaning, shopping and socialising with friends and family. Bravely holding in your sadness as you pass a pregnant woman or a family cooing over a newborn baby. It's hard when friends announce they are pregnant. You wish them nothing but happiness and pray that everything will be OK, but you wish you had your child in your arms, or if you have started the road of trying to conceive you wish to be pregnant too. Not to fill a gap, as nothing can or ever will replace the child you lost. But to once again have joy in your life, to nurture a baby, to watch them grow. Once you are pregnant you vow never to take for a granted a restless nights sleep, a dirty nappy or having the last feed splatted all over you, the lounge and the floor. You wish so much to be able to do those things.

When your pregnant friend goes into labour, it feels like a knife going deep into your chest. You hope and pray that everything is going to be OK and that they will get to take home their baby, that the labour will go smoothly. That their child will be born healthy. Then the baby is born and you know you will have to visit them and hold them in your arms. You brave the shops buying newborn clothes and hold back your tears when asked by a passer by when are you due? As you still have a 'baby' belly and look pregnant. You walk into the maternity ward, remembering the last time you were there. You then realise the last baby you held in your arms was your own and that soon another sacred moment will be gone. You feel like a thousand eyes are watching you hold that baby, too scared to say something wrong that might upset you. It feels strange to have a warm, moving, breathing baby in your arms, but comforting at the same time.

Friends status updates wishing that their child would 'go to sleep' have a different meaning. You would do anything to be kept awake by a restless baby, because at least they would be alive and you would be holding them safe in your arms. For weeks after losing Yasminah, because everyone kept referring to her as 'born sleeping' I used to freak out about my son dying in his sleep. I was a member of an online forum where mothers who had lost babies and children to SIDS shared their stories. Because my eldest was only 20 months old, I feared that God had already taken away one of my children, what was to stop him from taking away my son! I checked on him every night to make sure he was still breathing, still moving, still alive. It might sound crazy but it's true and completely normal to feel this way. If you have other children, I think you smother them with love and affection and maybe spoil them a little too much. But you do what you need to do, to get through each day. Life is short, our children we have lost have taught us this. Take each day as a gift, hold your loved ones, tell them how much you love them.

No one really knows what this is like, and even then each person's journey is so different and unique to that family and their special child.

No one knows.......and I wish no one ever had to know what this truly feels like.

Birth day

Today is my birthday. A day that should be happy and filled with joy, love from those around me and cake! Yet I sit here and all I can think about is it is another birthday without Yasminah here with me.

I've been doing OK lately......it's been a while since I have felt the immense pain and weight of intense grief and heartache that losing a child brings. It comes and goes. The birthdays and anniversaries after you have lost a child can feel very isolating and each time another birthday or anniversary passes, you feel another piece of you breaking away.  

I was very lucky that I got to celebrate one of my birthday's when I was pregnant with Yasminah. I remember really wanting to do something special that day. Something we would remember, my last birthday as a mum of one. It was a really beautiful summer day. We drove to the historic Blue Mountains to visit the Three Sisters, have some lunch and then some desert.

27 weeks and 5 days pregnant with my second child ~ Yasminah ~

The Three Sisters ~ Blue Mountains ~ Australia

Zach had so much fun running around exploring his surroundings. Such an inquisitive young man. 

We then ended our visit at the famous Chocolate Shop where we each had a piece of cake and some ice cream for desert. It was a wonderful day, filled with many special moments and memories.

When I look at photos of myself when I was still pregnant with Yasminah, before I lost her I see a totally different person. I see the innocence, the hope, the excitement about our growing family, the anticipation of having a daughter to love.

I loved being pregnant and watching my belly grow. Yasminah was our miracle baby and we were so incredibly excited that we were only weeks away from meeting her. Our son was going to have a little sister to fuss over and probably fight with. Life was perfect.

I'm extremely lucky and blessed that my first birthday without Yasminah the following year, was also my first birthday with my twin girls Aisha and Aaliyah and also the day they both came home from the NICU. It also happened to be my 30th birthday. What an incredible birthday gift! For the first time in a long time, I finally felt the joy return to my life. Despite their premature birth, the long days and nights in NICU, the bumps in the road along the way, Aisha and Aaliyah were here and brought me so much love and happiness. I had two beautiful baby girls to care for and hold in my arms to watch and grow. Nothing will ever fill the gap that Yasminah left, but having something to hold onto, a small glimmer of hope that things would be ok was all I needed.

Zach returned to preschool this year and Aisha and Aaliyah started one day a week. So because my birthday falls on a Monday, my babies are all at preschool today. It kinda makes me sad that I won't be sharing the whole day with them, but we had breakfast together, and my son has requested his favourite dinner(and also mine) butter chicken. I'm really looking forward to them coming home, sharing dinner, blowing out the candles on my cake that my husband is bringing home hint, hint ;-) and the bedtime. More special memories.

Birthday's aren't about how many presents you receive, or what you did on the day. It's about the special gifts your already have in your life, the moments and memories that can't be bought or sold. The love of your family, your friends and people who care about you. Living each moment with them and celebrating the day your own mother brought you into the world - your birth day. Motherhood is an incredible gift. I am so very thankful for all 4 of my children and to my own mum who brought me into this world - Mum Happy Birthing Day!

True Feelings

I sit here at the computer with thousands of thoughts running through my head. 'It' is almost here.....Yasminah's 2nd birthday. I have knots in my stomach and tears welling in my eyes as I try to type. I constantly debate if I should be so open about how I am really feeling.......but decide I can't keep this bottled up anymore and if I share a bit about my journey it may help another family who are going through the same heartache.

So today I am going to bear my whole heart for the world to see, to get a glimpse into life after the loss of my child. My second child, my first daughter Yasminah Ann Aziz. I think to myself that I shouldn't even know what this feels like, no one should. I should have my daughter here with me and my family. The question will always remain, why did this happen to us? I miss her so much. I would give anything to be able to hold her in my arms one more time, to kiss her sweet cheeks and cute button nose, brush her thick curly black locks of hair, to hold her little hand and caress her perfect feet. To whisper in her ear "I love you".

Yasminah was perfect to me, a special little girl to love and care for. She was born with a congenital limb difference. Yasminah had no right hand and 3 fingers on her left hand. Yes it would have been challenging at times but it doesn't mean we loved her any less or that we should be made to feel as though 'it was for the best'. Our daughter died, but she lived within me for almost 9 months. In those 9 months I watched as my belly grew, I felt the first flutters, which turned into strong kicks and waves of movement. We heard her heart beat during our ultrasounds and at each antenatal checkup. We watched in amazement as she grew and developed into the beautiful angel that was silently born late Thursday morning on the 26th March 2009 at 37 weeks and 4 days gestation only a few days from her planned delivery.

Yasminah suddenly passed away in utero on the 24th March and I was induced into labour the following day. I am often asked if I went through labour, and yes I did just like any other mum does to deliver their child. My husband held my hand and brought me ice cubes as I felt each contraction come and go. I was urged by my midwife to push when the time came and had my daughter placed on my chest skin to skin, then my husband cut her umbilical cord. She was still warm, and covered in vernix. We were scared but excited about finally meeting our baby for the first time. We never heard her cry, saw her open her eyes or got to change her nappy. We did get to spend several hours with her watching her get weighed and measured. We gave her a bath, before dressing her and wrapping her up to keep her warm just like any newborn baby. We didn't think it was a good idea at the time to bring our son who was only 20 months old to meet his sister, but wish I had thought differently about it and had at least one photo of my children together. My husband and I posed for a family photo and individual photos holding Yasminah. The time then came to say our final goodbyes. I wish at the time those close to us meet our little girl, but for one reason or another they didn't want to. We may have more photos today, more memories to share with others and with them. I understand they were scared, but their actions deeply hurt me and make it hard to talk about her with them today.

Moving on almost 2 years later and we have been blessed with our twin girls Aisha and Aaliyah. It was incredibly difficult being pregnant so soon after the loss of Yasminah but it was the best thing for me and I truly believe if I hadn't fallen pregnant so quickly I would of been too scared to try to have another child. Our 2nd and 3rd daughters had a rough start to life born 8+2 weeks premature, and endured 4 weeks through the roller coaster ride of the NICU. Thankfully they are here with us today and I couldn't imagine life without them. Having my daughters has helped me to heal and brought joy back into my life. I don't think I would be where I am today if I didn't have them and my son as part of my life.

My husband needs to be mentioned, he is an amazing man. Strong, loving, honest, wise and kind. A tower of strength and always able to make me laugh, even during my darkest moments. We have shared many moments together over the past 12 years and I love him just as much as today as I did 12 years ago. I thank him for his support and understanding, especially when so much of my time is spent away from him during the weeknights and over the weekends as I continue to develop Yasminah's Gift Of Hope. It isn't always easy, but we get through it.

I often find myself wondering what life would be like if Yasminah was still here with us. What would Yasminah look like now? What colour were her eyes, mixed shades of brown and green like her dad and big brother, deep brown like me or piercing blue like her sisters? Would she like reading books or prefer to play with dolls? Would she be using a prosthetic hand like we had talked about with the limb clinic, or be fiercely independent like her younger sisters?

Saturday is her 2nd birthday or angelversary. As a part of the charity set up in her honour we are releasing butterflies in memory of Yasminah and all the precious children and the families we support. It has been raining for the last few days and is scheduled to rain on the weekend too. We hope the weather holds off so we can enjoy the day, so her brother and sisters can play at the park. It has been hard to do and I wonder if people will remember her birthday or show up on the day. Does she matter to them? I remember her first birthday a few beautiful friends sent me cards and one friend in particular gave me a beautiful gold star pendant that we engraved her initial and dob on. I wear it everyday as a symbol of my shining star. It was so nice to know that she has touched so many peoples lives. There have been some really beautiful people show their love and support this year by donating things for the Butterfly Release like Denni from PurpleX Design and Print who has designed an amazing canvas signature board for people to sign on the day that we can take home to remember her birthday. Michelle from Goodie Bag Exchange another fabulous business on Facebook has organised for everyone attending the day to receive a little bag filled with goodies donated by other Facebook businesses. Fiona from Eaton Photography has offered to capture the day and will put together a special memorial keepsake of all the photos available for $10, with all proceeds going to Yasminah's Gift Of Hope. I am truly thankful for the countless people the loss of my daughter has brought into my life. There are so many people who have shown their love and cried with me. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

I hope that I am not an emotional mess on the day and that I can enjoy it remembering the love we have for our daughter and we can celebrate her life instead of mourning her loss.

Time

There is a beautiful quote in Yasminah's scrapbook that sums up exactly how I am feeling at the moment.

Time is too slow for those who wait,

too swift for those who fear,

too long for those who grieve,

too short for those who rejoice,

but for those who love,

time is eternity

Henry Van Dyke

Last night, well actually 3am this morning I finally collapsed into my bed. Exhausted from the days events of cleaning, washing, visitors, cooking, tears, tantrums, baths and bedtime stories. Followed by my nightly ritual of a cup of tea, TV, catching up on emails and completing another custom made journal, I had time to reflect. I always like to reflect on the day that was and as I glanced at my phone I noticed the date.

25th February 2011

Where had time gone? It hit me like a ten tone truck ramming into my chest that Yasminah's birthday was only 1 day and 1 month away. The tears flowed. How could this be? How has it been that long since I held my baby girl in my arms and gently kissed her little button nose. Had I been so caught up in my life that I didn't realize how close we were to her 2nd birthday.

It seems crazy that I didn't know it was that close. I have been organising her birthday celebration for months. A beautiful butterfly release in a peaceful parkland. Close to nature with a place for her brother and sisters to play and her family and friends to gather and remember. Also a chance to meet those that the charity set up in her honour and memory has helped during this journey of loss. People who have helped me through my grief and over time become friends who are like family.

I want to celebrate her life, instead of mourning her loss. Yasminah was and is still a huge part of our life. She is my first daughter, my precious little angel, who I will love for eternity.

It is amazing that someone so small who never drew breath can have such a profound impact on your life and how you spend your time!

Happy Corrected 1st Birthday

Today Aisha and Aaliyah were due to arrive. I still find it hard to believe that they are 14 months old. Let alone that they were born 8 weeks and 2 days premature, and that we made it through NICU.

It is amazing to me that they survived, given their premature age and the challenges they faced when born, but they did have their own personal guardian angel watching over them and a wonderful team of Doctors and Nurses who we are very thankful to.

Yesterday we had their 12 month corrected age, growth and development assessment. It basically assesses their weight, height, problem solving skills, language skills and gross motor development. A paediatrician performed a physical examination and a psychologist completed a series of tests to see how their skills are developing.

We were at the hospital for 3 hours. Not an easy task when you have 3 children, aged 3 and under in a tiny room with no windows. But we made it through with snacks, hugs and laughter with a few tears thrown in for good measure.

At birth Aisha weighed 1554g and was 41cm long.
At 14 months, 12 months corrected Aisha weighs 9.56kg and is 74.3cm long

At birth Aaliyah weighed 1773g and was 41.5cm long.
At 14 months, 12 months corrected Aaliyah weighs 9.36kg and is 74.4cm long

So suffice to say that their growth is outstanding. The last time we visited for their assessment was when they were 8 months, 6 months corrected. At that time they were both still breastfed and having a lot of difficulty with reflux. I managed to continue breastfeeding them until they were 8 months old but sadly they stopped gaining weight and lost interest, so we weaned them across to an anti reflux formula and we haven't looked back. Establishing solids was difficult, but that has also settled and they eat a wide variety of food. They both LOVE their veggies especially peas! And just like their dad and their brother cheese and yoghurt are their favourite.

Aisha and Aaliyah's problem solving skills are considered above average for their age. Their gross motor skills were slightly below average. They have only just begun to pull to stand and Aisha chose this day to pull up to stand all on her own. My husband and I looked on with amazement as Aisha pulled up with all her might to stand on her own two feet. Today both of the girls have been pulling up to stand. Their older brother walked at 11.5 months and honestly I did not think the girls would be walking until they were about 18 months but you never know...... The Doctors have recommended we obtain some physiotherapy for both of them to help them progress and develop their gross motor skills. If they haven't improved or they are not walking by 18 months then we need to phone to make another appointment, but fingers crossed with some encouragement they will be walking and running in no time.

Their language skills were also assessed by the psychologist. They say all the usual words like mum, mumma, dad, dadda, Za (which is Zach) and recently added bye, bye to their repertoire. We read a lot of books and have done since they were born. One of their favourite books is The very hungry caterpillar. Aisha just a few days ago pointed to my t-shirt and said ba. She was pointing at the butterfly in our logo, on my t-shirt. I was so proud, my baby is beginning to say real words, understand things around her and communicate with these new found skills. During Aaliyahs assessment a series of objects were placed in front of her and she was asked where the dolly was. Aaliyah reached for the dolly and said bubba! Another first for Aaliyah. Aisha was considered as average for her language skills and Aaliyah as above average.

Overall they were very happy with their growth and development and we don't need to go back! After 14 months they have been given the all clear! Happy corrected 1st Birthday to my two beautiful girls, we love watching you grow and develop and are so very proud of you. Thank you for bringing so much love and happiness into our lives

Happy 1st Angel Birthday Yasminah

9:58am Thursday 26th March 2009 our first daughter Yasminah Ann Aziz was silently born 2.38kg 50cm long with gorgeous thick, black curly hair.

You changed our lives forever & will always be remembered in our hearts Happy 1st Birthday to my beautiful little Angel Yasminah

In heaven there will be such bliss, the like of no eye has ever witnessed, no ears have heard about, nor any mind conceived

Prophet Mohammed Peace Be Upon Him

Lots of Love, Hugs & Kisses from Mummy, Daddy, ...big brother Zach & little sisters Aisha & Aaliyah x ♥ x ♥ x ♥ x ♥ x ♥ x ♥