Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Roots and Wings

I came across the following note that a friend had posted to her page. I don't know who the original author of it is, but it sums up perfectly the way we should parent our children.

As a mother to three young children, I'm mindful that they won't always be little. That the first few years of their lives, they develop the imagination and skills to tackle the big bright world ahead of them. They need the warmth of love, support and encouragement not processions or trophy's.

Give them the chance to explore, create and learn by getting dirty in the mud, drawing on themselves with markers and reading books to excite their imagination. Let them be kids and develop a sense of wonder! Every child is unique and will learn and develop at their own pace.

My eldest Zachariah is 6 years old and was diagnosed as having high functioning autism or aspergers when he was 4. We have always encouraged him to be who he is and have marvelled at the way he views the world around him. I also have two adorable 3 year old twin girls Aisha and Aaliyah, who we call our twincesses! They were born 9 weeks premature and people often suggested that they weren't reaching their 'milestones' when they should have been. Time is a beautiful thing and over time they reached all those 'milestones' at their own pace. Although they are twins, they couldn't be more individual and are growing into strong, confident, happy, caring little girls.

I could add so much more to this note below, but the pre-school teacher sums it up pretty well! Give your children roots and wings. Let them learn how to fly.

Written by a Pre-School Teacher

I was on a parenting bulletin board recently and read a post by a mother who was worried that her 4 1/2 year old did not know enough. “What should a 4 year old know?” she asked. Most of the answers left me not only saddened but pretty soundly annoyed.

One mum posted a laundry list of all of the things her son knew. Counting to 100, planets, how to write his first and last name, and on and on. Others chimed in with how much more their children already knew, some who were only three. A few posted URL’s to lists of what each age should know. The fewest yet said that each child develops at his own pace and not to worry.

It bothered me greatly to see these mothers responding to a worried mum by adding to her concern, with lists of all the things their children could do that hers couldn’t. We are such a competitive culture that even our pre-schoolers have become trophies and bragging rights. Childhood shouldn’t be a race.

So here, I offer my list of what a 4 year old should know.

She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.

He should know that he is safe and he should know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations. He should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he never has to do something that doesn’t feel right, no matter who is asking. He should know his personal rights and that his family will back them up.

She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy and use her imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint the sky orange and give cats 6 legs.

He should know his own interests and be encouraged to follow them. If he could care less about learning his numbers, his parents should realize he’ll learn them accidentally soon enough and let him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or playing in the mud.

She should know that the world is magical and that so is she. She should know that she’s wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvellous. She should know that it’s just as worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that– way more worthy.

But more important, here’s what parents need to know.

That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do algebra at his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he walks, talks, reads or does algebra.

That the single biggest predictor of high academic achievement and high NAPLAN scores is reading to children. Not flash cards, not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers, but mum or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!) to sit and read them wonderful books.

That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught up in trying to give our children “advantages” that we’re giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood.

That our children deserve to be surrounded by books, nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them. Most of us could get rid of 90% of our children’s toys and they wouldn’t be missed, but some things are important– building toys like Lego and blocks, creative toys like all types of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments (real ones and multicultural ones), dress up clothes and books, books, books. (Incidentally, much of this can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.) They need to have the freedom to explore with these things too– to play with scoops of dried beans in the high chair (supervised, of course), to knead bread and make messes, to use paint and play dough and glitter at the kitchen table while we make supper even though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where it’s absolutely fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit.

That our children need more of us. We have become so good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids. Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That’s not okay!

Our children don’t need Nintendo's, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice nearly as much as they need US. They need fathers who sit and listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act like idiots with them. They need us to take walks with them and not mind the .1 KPH pace of a toddler on a spring night. They deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as long and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that they’re a priority for us and that we truly love to be with them.


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  2. Thank you Bec for writing and sharing this post. It is so easy to get lost in what "should" be happening that the special moments a child will remember well into adulthood happen if we just relax, enjoy our children and be present.

  3. just gotta say amazing article put my mind at ease ...thanks so much for sharing ur life ur so strong to be able to do all this ..what a great example for mom's and women everywhere