Monday, August 1, 2011

I wish I may, I wish I might, dream about my angel tonight...

Do you dream? Do you ever remember your dreams? Do you understand what they mean?  Do they mean anything?

Two nights ago my husband and I both had the same dream, we were watching our youngest daughter run! At the moment our twins are learning to walk. They are both happy to cruise around hanging onto furniture or holding our hands but not confident enough to let go and go off on their own, which personally is perfectly fine with me as I don't know what I am going to do when I have two little people running off in totally different directions!! Something they already like to do, one holding each hand pulling me in opposite directions. The day after having this dream Aaliyah took 9 whole steps on her own! All be them a little wobbly, a surfing moment at step number 5 before regaining her balance for the next 4 steps. I was loudly cheering her on for every step of the way and deafening my best friend who was currently on the phone with me listening as I yelled out each step.

Whenever my children reach any milestones, I always end up thinking about Yasminah and how we have missed out on these sorts of things with her. We will never see her take her first steps or run with her brother and sisters. It makes me sad.

I have only shared this with a few people, because it wasn't until later, much later after we lost Yasminah that I remembered this dream. When I was still pregnant with Yasminah, around week 35-36, I dreamt about Yasminah. At this stage I was on bedrest patiently waiting to get to the magic 38 week date for my scheduled c-section. It was such a strange dream and the only way I can describe it was confusing.

I dreamt that I had given birth to our beautiful baby girl, but I couldn't hold her. I could see her, but I kept reaching out my arms to hold her but she was just out of my reach. I felt like I was floating, trying to reach out to grab her. I remember mentioning this dream to my husband when he visited me that night. We knew when she was born she would be admitted into the neonatal intensive care unit for monitoring, so my husband just said the dream could just be about us not getting to hold her straight away as they will be taking her to NICU.

Was my dream a warning of what was to come? Was she trying to let us know that we wouldn't get to hold her forever.....

This is the one and only time I ever dreamt about my daughter and every night I wish, and wish, and wish that she might visit me in my dreams.

1 comment:

  1. Dreams are so special. During the time of my miscarriage, my husband was far away in South Africa for work. He had a dream that he was in a busy train station when he felt something tugging on his hand. He looked down and there was a little girl in a red dress. He knelt down to talk to her and she gave him a hug. Then she disappeared into the crowd. I still think it was her way of saying goodbye daddy. I keep hoping that she will visit me in my dreams too. I would love to give her the biggest cuddle in the world even if it is in a dream <3