I feel empty. Devoid of feeling. I think I do this mostly to protect myself. Quietly tip toeing around the heartache that one of my 4 children will never be here on earth to wrap their arms ever so tightly around my neck, gently delivering a soft, sweet, tiny kiss upon my cheek. Bringing me their handmade card filled with the colours of their growing imagination.
I began this Mothers Day in tears as my precious little people ran to my bedside to plant their kisses and wrap their cold hands tightly around my neck. One of my 3 year old twins, gently caresses my face with her tiny hand. Her piercing blue eyes lighting up as a smile appears on her face, asking me if I had a nice sleep. In this moment I realize that it's Mothers Day. I'm grateful that I have 3 of my children here with me on earth. I will always wish I had all 4. I rub my eyes as if I'm wiping away sleepy dust, trying to hide the tears that well in my eyes. I appreciate and adore my 3 living children all the more, because of what losing my first born daughter taught me. Life is precious. Every single moment is precious.
Mothers Day has been commercialised and the true meaning of the day, I feel a little misplaced. The campaign to declare the second Sunday of May 'Mothers Day' was lead by Anna Marie Jarvis, one of four living children born of Ann Marie Reeves Jarvis. On May 12, 1907 two years after her mother Ann Marie Reeves Jarvis passed away, Anna held a memorial for her mother and embarked upon the campaign to have Mothers Day officially recognised. Ann Marie Reeves Jarvis gave birth to 11 children, sadly 7 of them passed away. Mothers Day was meant to be a day to honour and remember a bereaved mother, the children she holds in her womb, in her arms and the ones she holds within her heart. Mothers Day was officially declared a recognised holiday in 1914, by President Woodrow Wilson.
Mothers Day should be a day to recognise all mothers. I feel that we are beginning to break the silence and bring this day back to it's original true meaning.To all mothers, step mothers, grandmothers, single mothers, bereaved mothers, those struggling to be mothers, this day belongs to you.
I hope you had a peaceful day, surrounded by the love and family and those who care about you. I was spoiled with a cheese omelette, orange juice and tea for breakfast. The best gift of all was receiving my Mothers Day card, complete with artwork by my 5 year old and 3 year old twins. Zach my eldest drew a little butterfly and told me it was baby Yasminah. I'm truly the luckiest mum in the world, to hold 3 children in my arms and to have held an angel, even if only for a moment.