There is a small collection of tiny, beautiful, precious items that I can't bare to part with. They were intended for our first daughter Yasminah.
We couldn't wait to find out if we were having a little boy or a little girl, even though deep down in my soul I knew that it was a girl! After having a boy, it was going to be nice to buy 'pink' but we were told that there was something wrong with our baby, before being asked if we still wanted to know what we were having. Of course we did! We loved this child from the moment we knew a new life had been gifted to us. No one ever truly knows how long their stay here on earth is for, and even despite all that we were told we left the decision in God's hands.
Time has passed. Things have changed. We have been blessed with 2 beautiful, strong and healthy little girls.
In the early days of my grief, I was so angry. So angry that she would never get to wear the clothes that I picked out, washed, hung to dry and gently folded before placing in her nursery. I wanted to get rid of everything. I wanted the nappies gone, the cradle gone, the clothes gone. Why would I need to keep them when the one reason all of those items existed was also......gone. My daughter wasn't here to hold in my arms, or to rock to sleep. She wasn't here to use the rocking chair at 2am feeds. She wasn't here to change her nappy, we would never get to change her nappy. These are the things you think about. I became angry at the world because my daughter was gone, my hopes and dreams vanished. Sure we knew it was going to be hard. It was going to be really hard! But she was our daughter and maternal instinct takes over.
A very good friend sat me down and said that I shouldn't be so eager to give her things away. There was no rush. There was plenty of time to decide if I wanted to keep them. Perhaps we would have another baby. It made sense. We had kept plenty of our son's clothing and other baby items in the hopes that a sibling would one day use them. Why should this be any different?
I changed my mind and I kept them.
I kept the special outfit I purchased as her 'coming home' outfit. A cute little Mummy and Daddy Love Me set! It was perfect.
I kept the little piglet snuggly blanket that a very kind friend had bought for her.
I kept the cute pink and white 'Little Sister' socks we bought as a gift from her big brother.
I kept the beautiful soft, white, fur vest that was going to keep her warm during a cold winter. It was a gift from my nan. A gift she thought her great, granddaughter would wear.
I kept them all and I can't bare to part with them.......and that's ok.